April 25, 2014

(Not So) Strange That It Comes To This

Funny that I come here.

I can't write anything anymore. Everything is so fucking literal.

May 10, 2013

Summer

The stone falls upwards
through the murky weeds and startled fish.
The water beads on the leaves and heat pours from my head
I wonder how we manage to limit ourselves
as the air grows close and heavy.

It`s time to uproot; to fly outwards
earthbound no more, with the ocean beneath and above.
So many precious people linger behind,
but forward is the only upward I know.

March 11, 2013

This Place Is A Relic

So, we got back together.

I'm cleaning up from Game of Thrones.

Currently Listening: Crystal Castles - III (listen)

March 8, 2013

I Leave The Heat Off

It's freezing in my apartment.

I won't turn the heat on.

There is a metaphor here. It isn't complicated, but it needs a touch of context.

There is a sorrow here. It isn't complicated, it just needs a touch of context.

Currently Listening: Austra - Home (listen)

March 5, 2013

If I Could Be Asleep Now I Would

I slept for 11 hours last night. It was lovely. I wish I could still be there.

I dreamt, vividly, although I do not remember of what. But it was not of this, not of being awake, where I am now.

Things could be worse, I'm stable enough, but I really would rather sleep. Potentially as much as physically possible.

Night will come soon enough. And then, hopefully, once again to dream, to dream of a place and a time that is not here, that is not now.

March 4, 2013

It literally feels like a hole in my chest.

I'm not sure I'm capable of being genuine right now. At least, genuine in a context where I need to keep my job, not lose friends, and not go to jail. The feeling is almost like vertigo.

Currently Listening: Rustie - Slasherr (listen)

March 3, 2013

My Heart Is Full Of Poison

It's the anger, really. It makes me feel sick.

Obviously, I don't mean in my actual heart. Truth be told, it resides more anatomically in my stomach.

Perhaps the fact that I never told you about this blog should have tipped me off to the idea that it wouldn't work.

December 17, 2012

when we're together

Oh but this is different. I've gone and done it, you know; I've grown up the way I wanted to. Nothing's perfect, but everything is gloriously dripping with emotion and though it might be dark there is so much possibility for brilliance.

There aren't really words strong enough to express how lucky I feel these days.

The technologies we have are so neat. And you know, I get them, and I can teach myself about the ones I don't know yet. My main obstacle these days is really my own tendency to get inexplicably depressed and fall into apathetic lethargy. I suppose that's always the way, though, when everything else is taken care of you've just got yourself to overcome.

I'd say I wish I had more time to experiment with stuff, but it'd be a lie. I don't work well with spare time. I like deadlines and impossible schedules and as much as you can pack in a day. But I've been allowing myself to slide into the lazy shore-cycle of doing as little as possible lately. It's pretty easy, because I'm still doing a lot, so justification looks logical, but I know I'd be happier if I was doing a bit more. It's just the strategy of how much more is completely ridiculous.

I need to have a workout schedule, a reed production schedule and a skiing time allotment. For a start I think that's good. Tomorrow running and tiny weights. haha.

November 21, 2012

...

Uh.

...

November 1, 2012

Holy fuck, are you for real?

WHAT-ever.

October 4, 2012

You fucking nickel-and-diming cunt.

Everytime I lose even the slightest bit of resolve to do continue on the path I have set myself, you do something like that.

Resolve reinforced.

September 3, 2012

fall is in the air

It's been a good summer this year, despite the death and politics. sometimes personal joy is allowable, after all.