Kurrs' Digital Tapestry of Words

I... failed?

I just failed the first economics thing I have ever failed. Heck, this is the second time in all of my academic career I've ever even done badly on something related to economics. I mean, when I got that C+ on that Economic History of England midterm I freaked out. But... failure? I'm used to having a hissy fit if I don't get at least 80 percent.

I'm in shock, I'm not even upset yet. I will be, but not now. I mean, I could tell myself that it wasn't my fault, that I've been consistently sick for longer than ever before in my life. That, right in the middle of that, I ran a Moot and then someone I knew died. That I started a relationship with someone in the middle of it as well who is as intense as I am. That despite this new person, no matter how hard I try or how long I've let it sit, I still weep like my heart is missing thinking about those that still live in my heart but aren't her. That my life has been a bit of a madhouse, and that schooling taking a hit isn't that surprising.

But ... fail?

Posted by Kurrs at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

“Do you know what easter egg hunts are? Well, I’m not sure if they’re consistent with your religion, but I’m not sure they are with mine either. I just really like the idea of looking for chocolate eggs.”
- Dr. Newmann (My Macroeconomics prof)

I'm in class, isn't everyone proud of me?

Posted by Kurrs at 3:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Throwdown - The band sucked, but the lead singer had crazy stage presence. His voice was wicked, he was very intense. Even though the drummer slipped up multiple times, the vocalist carried it as an entertaining to say the least. He even had the entire crowd screaming "Unite" again and again, pumping their fists in the air. It was pretty cool.

Children of Bodom - Oh, hair metal, and everything that comes with it. Ok, it wasn't real hair metal, but it was definately powermetal. No girly "Meeeetaaaalllll" screams, but lots of intensely boring very skilled guitar riffs and drum rolls. I can't get into stuff like this. But it was really talented, and that was nice.

Fear Factory - Other than the nasty things I've already said, they were pretty freaking solid. They picked a very good list of songs, and still played good. But they're getting old and tired. I'm not sure I'll go to see them again.

Lamb of God - Really slow to start, I was decidedly worried that my concert experience might not work. The lead vocalist had this baseball cap on, and he just didn't seem as intense as usual. And his band is good, but not great, Lamb is all about the vocalist. Well, it's going along, and it just gets more and more and more intense. After two tracks, he takes off the cap, and his little tuft of hair falls in front of his freaking CRAZY eyes, and the volume feels like it keeps getting louder and louder and louder. He only asks for a circle pit once, and when he does it's (as always with lamb) the craziest pit. I got hurt so bad just during those 20-30 seconds I was in just that one circle pit. My knee is fucked up, my right arm can barely lift, and my back is peppered with sore spots. My pants got ripped, and I could barely walk or talk. Sitting was kinda painful. And it continued getting more and more intense. Lamb is so great.

Posted by Kurrs at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So, I went to see Lamb of God and Fear Factor (w/ Throwdown and Children of Bodom) at the Commodore last night. It was pretty amazing, but something from it really threw me.

Fear Factory were introduced as "Fear Factory from Southern California". I was floored. This was possibly my longest standing local love. Fear Factory was made in Vancouver. Southern California? At first I felt enraged, but suddenly I felt crazy. Where had my childhood gone? Where had all those times that I had gone to see Fear Factory because, well, they lived here, so they played here alot. I've seen Fear Factory play three-four times as many times as I've seen anyone else play. It was a slap in the face, a betrayal. Where were those "It's good to be home Vancouver?" Where was my past?

I wanted to feel righteous indignation, but suddenly I just felt... surreal, lost, disoriented. I blamed myself, for misunderstanding, for thinking they were local when they weren't? This still doesn't make sense, but I came home and, lo and behold, they are from Los Angeles. Am I crazy?

But they make all their music here (even their last album was recorded here), they recorded their last album here, if I'm not mistaken they've even lived here. All the usual "It's good to be home" stuff wasn't there, where were the props to those that made them? Or were we always just a stopping block, a step to become famous musicians so they could return to their fucking stripes and stars?

I mean, the concert was good. Even though FF is getting old, they still rocked. And Lamb of God... the lead singer... so POWERFUL. But... I can't escape this bizarre sense of betrayal.

That's my childhood, give it back.

Posted by Kurrs at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

*sigh* It seems like migraines are something I'm going to have to deal with. Got another one last night. I'm considering seeing a doctor, asking them what, if anything, I should be concerned about. From what I understand, if you get them, you'll get them forever. Thankfully they don't seem to happen that often, but still...

Other than that, things are on the mend. Had a pretty harrowing Sunday. Now I'm trying to focus on school and werewolf, and on getting better. I've never had such a creeping illness before. It just... lingers. I'm used to complete and utter disfunction for, like, a day or two, and then *poof* gone. But this has been some amoung of suckage for, like, three weeks. Bad for my grades.

Anyways, I'm still debating what I'm up to this weekend.

So far the current winners are:

The Parade of Lost Souls on Saturday

Sanctuary @ Sonar on Sunday

(we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this live broadcast)

Guhhh, buhhhh, wuuuhhhh...

LOOK!

Damnit, so much indecision. What the fukc would I wear?

Posted by Kurrs at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The subject says it all, I'm not making it onto campus today. Probably crawl back into bed in a bit. Still going to try and go to the art gallery I think, but that will be my accomplishment for the day.

This weekend is totally booked for recovery, don't plan to leave the house at all.

Posted by Kurrs at 3:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

---Chief Tecumseh, Shawnee Nation

Posted by Kurrs at 10:43 AM | Permalink

Fuck, how much blood is there in my head anyhow? It has to run out eventually, doesn't it?

ARG, today, fury!

PS Tyler phoned, that was nice.

PPS Meg phoned, that was nice too.

PPPS My nose stopped bleeding....

but for how LONG?

dun dun duuuunnnnn

Posted by Kurrs at 7:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The subject says it all. Maybe I should give up on today, go to sleep, and see if tomorrow fares better.

Posted by Kurrs at 3:39 PM | Permalink

My body aches. My mind is blurry. I'm so tired and I don't even really understand why. People are pissing me off today. The idea of going to school is so incredibly daunting. There is a 325 assignment that I haven't even peaked at that is due tomorrow. I have an ST meeting at 4 (or is it 5:15? Is anyone even coming? Fucking people...) and I really want to make it to that. I have class in 20 min and I really would like to make it to that, I have another class in 1h20m and I really REALLY want to make it to that one. Between 3 and 4 I want to swing back here (my parents') and pick up the remainder of my laundry. Fuck, it was a bad idea to pick them up today. But damnit, I need clothes, no matter my exhaustion. I think I'm still sick. Or maybe emotionally drained. Or fuck, maybe all of the above, each feeding on the other like a cyclical parasitic community feasting on me.

Arg, bad mood.

Posted by Kurrs at 1:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On the bus again, studying for 441. Oh man, I hope it isn't too hard. I mean, this test could be anything from doable to impossible. If he starts expecting us to know the models mathematically inside and out, we are so screwed. Or, maybe I'm just screwed. Hopefully I'm not late, it's 12:16 and I'm at Alma. I need to be in class at 12:30 for the midterm. Aieeeeee.

On a happy note, the complete rules overhaul for Garou is going fabulously. Oh, how happy it makes me. The only real daunting challenge is going to be rewriting all the Gifts. Not so bad really, I'm kinda looking forward to it. Ohhhhh, I've been wanting to rewrite the rules for so long. Just think, a world where the players don't need to buy Laws of the Wild. So beautiful. I don't even remotely feel bad. All the core books for wulf have been so terribly written that they don't deserve any money for them. The sourcebooks are wicked and people should buy them, but it's kinda moot anyways. The old material isn't even being published anymore. It's not like they're trying to make money off it anymore anyhow.

Will write more later.

...

Alright, later's come around. Just got out of my test. Wasn't so bad. I didn't know the formula for the "Big Push" model so that kinda sucks, but otherwise it went fine. I can't really complain, the midterm was very fair. I just hope I did ok. I mean, I felt I knew my stuff but the missing mathematical model was a relatively big hit. I'm hoping for some part marks there and some kickass marks on the rest of the midterm. Hopefully it works out ok.

I'm meeting up with JP at 3:30. I'm not in class right now (325 - stats for econ) because I'm a bad student. Or, more appropriately, because that class is agony. What I should be doing is working on that class alot not in class and just not attending. I seem to have the wrong part of that equation down pat...

Posted by Kurrs at 3:09 PM | Permalink

The server seems to be down right now. No e-mail, no blog, no bulletin board. It's weird how much of my online stuff is just me connecting to TIm's computer. Heh, well, it's cheaper than running ethernet cabke across the city.

I do so love the 99S when it isn't busy. I'm on it right now, making an offline blog entry because I can. No stops, coupled with the fact that I have two seats to myself means I can laptop it up proper. Even when it's packed to the gills, I still can usually pull out the laptop if I want to, it's not like anyone's getting off or on.

So, I went to the Apple Festival. Creston is totally where it's at, with this wonderful cox's pippin breed called Senshu being a notable mention for me. Whereas Erin was really into Rubinette and World #1 (amusing name for an apple, I must admit, it did kick serious ass). The ones we agreed on were Mutsu (of course, so amazing) and on Shamrock (very apropo name, although Erin though it was a bit foamy).

So, I'm down to 2 midterms this week from 3. My macro prof doesn't feel like writing a second midterm for me (that's the one I deferred because of Rachel) so he's just going to upscale my 2nd midterm to the whole shebang. That sounds good, but is freaking terrifying. I don't think I would have done well on the 1st midterm. I'm behind and having trouble catching up. I can't seem to get a real synthesis of the concepts being presented. The problem is, you either grasp the model, or you don't.

For the other two, I have Progress of Economic Development (441) tomorrow, and Comparative Economic Systems (487) on Friday. 487 should be good, I have JP from last semester to study with and we work pretty well together. Also, I feel like I can actually get a grasp of the concepts. 487 much more scary as it is tomorrow and I've missed two weeks due to illness and death. Also, I have a feeling his questions will be harder. Urk. Oh well, studying's for me now.

Erin's pretty sick, which is sad. Hopefully she takes it easy in this, our possible first seperation for longer than 24 hours since we started "dating" (that term is so inaccurate). I say possible because somehow, we manage together again. Something always comes up. Death, a convinient meeting, etc. Something has always come up.

Still haven't met the other Chris, not for lack of trying, but illness seemed to keep rearing its ugly head. Heck, on that note, I'm still sick. Both me and Erin are sick in very similar ways: feel good for short bursts, then come crashing down again. I think she's got it worse than me, but I think she weathers illness better.

I really need to get better, so it's probably cocooning even more now, although Erin may or may not be included in this particular cocooning. Gonna work on school, get some Werewolf stuff done, going to go to bed at reasonable hours. Y'know, the high life.

So far, I've got a study session w/ JP on Tuesday, an ST meeting on Wednesday, a 325 assignment due Thursday, and I'm going to the art gallery w/ Patti and Navi on Thursday. Taking things slow, trying to reintegrate functionality back in.

I'm hungry, I think I should go grocery shopping. That would be great.

Posted by Kurrs at 9:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Something makes me want to write, that thing is hot chocolate. Beautiful, wonderful, fairly traded, organic hot chocolate with organic whipped cream on top (did I mention I love my mother?).

I went to Rachel's funeral today. Truth be told, I was already over it. Well, enough to return to being a functional member of society. It's sad, but life moves on. But Patti had surpressed it, got herself through the week, and was crashing pretty hard. That, and she knew Rachel the best out of all of us. I was also worried about Tristan, because he's been having a pretty hard time as of late. So I went to the funeral to support those who are important to me. Now, hot chocolate in hand, whipped cream melting happily, I feel peace about it. Both in myself, and that I have done those things that I should for others that needed me.

Posted by Kurrs at 10:49 PM | Permalink

Wednesday night there was a get together in Rachel's "honour", if you would like to put it that way. There was some drinking, some pot-smoking, some crying (I partook of none of them, but they were going on) but mostly me and Pat (my bro came out from Abbotsford for it, so good for him, I'm so glad he came) feeding the remainder and talking about stuff. Man, food at the Cambie is cheap. When I first arrived, I needed to deal with the unspeakable one (initials JE) being present. I managed not to look at him or interact with him at all, so I managed to not say/do something stupid. The thing was for Rachel, afterall, not maiming uncaught criminals. After fuckface left, things went much better and everyone got to talking about their Rachel experiences. It's funny, they're all so similar. Rachel was just a very distant person. Even the people who knew her the best didn't know her very well. We were all full of this sensation of guilt, this wondering why we didn't know her better even though we hung out at least once a week.

Yeah, so yesterday I felt pretty sick again, I'm still battling this illness. At least now I've got a running nose and standard sickness symptions, instead of body malaise and random shooting pains. I'm going to class today, come hell or high water.

Tonight I get to meet my girlfriend's boyfriend. Should be interesting.

Tomorrow I'm going to Apple Fest.

Apple Fest

Exciting. Anyone wanna accompany? Me and Erin are going.

As for the rest of the weekend, work work work work work work. Need to get caught up on school shit.

PS Thanks to all the people who sent me messages or concern or were otherwise sweet. Thank you Greenstorm, Mongoose, Antiopa, Navi, Fallen, niko, and czak. All of your concern was appreciated, even if I didn't get around to replying, it did mean something to me.

Posted by Kurrs at 8:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

This has hit me pretty hard. I think that's mostly because, yesterday, I thought it was over. The emotional and health rollercoaster was over. I could go back to being hyper-functional, the happy workaholic that I am. I even redesigned the Garou website completely. Dealt with Garou finances. Started planning out how I was going to deal with new players. Studying for my macro midterm. Actually doing school reading. I figured with the Moot out of the way, my body and mind on the mend, the Rachel thing sorting itself out pretty well. I thought I was in the clear.

And then I hear she's dead. I can't think straight. I talked to Patti. I'm worried about my brother. I haven't talked to him or Meg. I think Meggy's ok, Tristan probably too. They're probably talking it out, if they didn't already yesterday. But I didn't have it in me to phone my bro, and he was pretty upset when he first found out. Each of us had our tiny little moments with Rachel, some larger (ie Patti) than others. Each of us is clinging to those moments, remembering. All I can think is maybe I should have opened up to her, not remained distant. I hardly even talked to her. But she was in the community. Patti, Tristan, Meg, my brother, we all went to Sanctuary together. And we interacted with very few others. Rachel was one of the others. I mean, Patti's a social butterfly, so of course she knows everyone, but Rachel's one of the people who would wander about drunk with us after leaving the club.

I got a deferral on my midterm. That's good. First time ever. I felt really weird asking for it, still do. Feel guilty in some sense, like... I should have been able to go. I don't ask for help usually, I work through shit. I don't ask for breaks. Now I'm scared, because I'm not ready for the midterm but now I should be, because I'm getting more time. Fuck, now I'm just upset and rambling.

Going to put some food in me, have some alone time, maybe go to the park. It's a beautiful day.

Posted by Kurrs at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I may be incommunicato over the next little bit.

The End of the Rachel Story

I'm just going to be upset for an indeterminate amount of time, gotta contact Patti and Patrick. Maybe others...

Posted by Kurrs at 8:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

That's what a classmate of mine said to me right before the lecture. Y'see, we'd been relatively civil about it, talking very coherently earlier in the term about how going to class didn't really serve any purpose, that everything she says is not only in the textbook, but is the highlighted stuff. No real explanation, some algebra that isn't really interesting, some examples that aren't very good. Me on my laptop mainly wasting time. But now it's like the class is breaking our spirits, stripping away those pleasantries to reveal a bit of broken feeling, a statement of revilement, followed by grim resignation.

On another note, I have a midterm tomorrow for Honours Macroeconomics I. Wow, that's scary. Gonna spend some time on campus reading and taking advantage of the academic energy to get my studying motivated.

I redesigned the quests-end website, not majorly but I did. Haven't sent it along to Tim yet, but I systematically removed the term "game" from the entire thing. Also, touched up a bunch of stuff, almost done writing the fourth chronicle (The Shadow's Promises) up. I'm still tossing around ideas for further changes I want to make, I'll do those later though.

I was just about to say that I'm finally going to go a day without seeing Erin. Well, that's probably not true. Even though I won't see her tonight, or tomorrow morning, I did see her this morning and I'll probably see her when I get home after talking to Jay tomorrow evening. Attached at the hip.

I'm tired and hungry and still feeling a little under the weather.

What am I doing here?

Posted by Kurrs at 3:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Just woke up. I dreamt that Angus went to UBC with me, and that we had a class that his dad taught together. I was feeling down and out and Angus, to cheer me up, before I went to classes, gave me some shrooms. Well, I didn't really make it to first class and I was so high that I fell over in the middle of one of the roads of the bus loop. Luckily, even though he was high out of his tree as well, Angus was there to pick me up and take me to class. I was very thankful because I didn't want to get run over by a bus, but walking was really hard. Angus then told me that I was "more high than anyone he's ever seen not doing mescaline". We make it to class, and Angus talks about the fact he was playing guitar in class "Trying to make the music he can hear real without being really weird about it". Then me and Angus and some other people are suddenly Sonic the hedgehog characters, and I'm Sonic. Which is wicked cool because apparently Sonic's spikes are retractable and sharp. Which was cool. Then we're flying around on this little spaceship (so little that we ride it kinda like a riding animal, so little that we were all on it impossibly cartoon-style) chasing another little small spaceship around. Eventually I figure out that I can breathe ice by pressing a certain key on my controller (this gets surreal) right after Tim tells me to spit by pressing the playstation button (which is tabled c for some reason, which is right beside and underneath the directional pad). Y'see, I can either spit because I want to, or induce it by... Anyways, you get the idea. So, after destroying the other little spaceship with my freeze-mouth, and then spearing it right good with one of my arm spikes (which me and Angus thought was extra cool at the time). We climb back into this big flying van-thing. Then, I'm not sure, we're kinda talking about how this game could be better, and then I wake up.

Posted by Kurrs at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I'm decidedly less worried that something really awful has happened.

Vancouver Sun Update

Stupid fucking media, trying to tie gothness into a cause of this event. Grrr.

Read the article, makes more sense as to why I'm less worried. She's been sighted, etc.

Posted by Kurrs at 4:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This girl who was an acquaintance of mine from Sanctuary has gone missing under really upsetting circumstances. The Moot had already dragged out all this emotional stuff I was grappling with, but violent crime involving people I know really gets to me. Especially when it might be murder. This is really upsets me. If you were going to construct a model of a community with me at the center, Rachel is only one step removed when it comes to knowin her well. I didn't, but Patti did and Tristan was one of the two people to last see her alive.

Just in case you're curious, I did some digging, here's some details. First, the newspaper article I learned about it in, then the police post on gothic with more nitty gritty details, then an update on CKNW:

The Province Article

Gothic.bc.ca Police Probe/Report

CKNW Update

Oh Rachel, I hope you're ok, but I have a feeling that you're not. Found out originally from my brother, who I don't think is taking this too good either (he knew her about as well as I did) and then ended up talking to Patti about it. Tristan apparently went for dinner with her, the boyfriend, and one other person the last day they were seen in public (this info is newer than the above articles).

I dunno, I can't talk about it anymore. This is just really upsetting.

Posted by Kurrs at 10:31 PM | Permalink

Wow, the Moot is done, and I'm at home. My house is filthy from tracking in all this shit and I think I may just vaccuum (I love cleaning my house) before Erin arrives. Don't want to make noise too early but it'd be nice to be rid of the filth.

The Moot went spectacularly. An absolutely wonderful end of a chronicle. Definately my favourtie so far, all in all. Some of the most amazing things that have ever been accomplished from a structual view-point have occurred over the course of the last year or so and I really hope I manage to manage the new chronicle as well as I did the last. I'm feeling very excited, the new chronicle is going to be totally unlike anything so far seen and I have no idea what it will look like (ok, a bit of an idea, but not much). Major player shake-ups, possible rules overhauls, very major world shifts. So very different.

It's like watching a little seed first sprout, but still having no idea what it's going to turn into as it ages. So exciting.

Oh, and I'm sick and emotionally a wreck still. Very very very surreal, this duality, but I think that the post-Moot feeling is going to make me address both my bodily and emotional ills whether I want to or not. Which is also making me happy. Even though it might end up being painful. We'll see.

Posted by Kurrs at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I can't sleep, I really should, and hopefully will return there when I'm done writing, but I can't sleep.

I have pre-moot jitters. I can't believe everything managed to work itself out. Well I can, and it will probably be the smallest moot in history, but it worked itself out. So great.

Now if only school could do the same thing...

Erin's asleep, which is cool. I think she's finally starting to mellow out, get into the groove of the thing that is "us". Although who knows what groove that is, what with me being either a stress basket case or sick as a dog. Ah well, only time will tell.

Posted by Kurrs at 12:37 AM | Permalink

Been sleeping 15+ hours a day. Very surreal.

Stressing about the Moot, but at least I'm working on it.

Erin's coming to thanksgiving dinner on monday with the whole family. And I mean the whole freaking family. Hoardes of relatives. Should be intense.

Gonna go back to bed. Hopefully I'll make it to school, but doesn't look so great...

Posted by Kurrs at 12:08 PM | Permalink

Trying so hard to pay attention in class.

Did a midterm yesterday, any grades I get are pity marks.

I'm sweating pretty badly. I think I'm finally getting sick.

Going to go for food with Erin after class. Hopefully food will make me feel better. After that, ST meeting, then go home and try and do my 441 assignment.

I really cannot afford to be getting sick right now. Moot this weekend, next midterm is next week, thanksgiving dinner is monday. Ah well, whatcha gonna do?

...

Still in class. Oh man, I feel awful. Maybe I won't manage to do my assign. Or make it to class tomorrow.... I really can't be like this for the moot, or I'll just get something like pneumonia or something really bad. Fuckety this is frustrating. Ah well, you reap what you sow. Poor decision making coupled with emotional intensity (both good and bad) topped off with some intense levels of stress as well as being caught outside without a coat during a rain storm equals?

One sick Chris.

Posted by Kurrs at 3:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Or maybe I am and they just can't deal, but here goes...

I am busy. I am ALWAYS busy. That's the kind of person I am. I'm a workaholic and it makes me really happy to be so. I started this blog to allow people to still touch base with me and hear my random stuff because in the past I went long lengths of time without touching base with people with a certain amount of regularity. I am not a phone person, I am not an online chat person. I am not a "constant contact" person when it comes to my friends. I have friends all over the place that get attention or not based on almost random occurance. If you need me to be a constant in your life, I'm sorry, but I can't and never will offer that unless you plan on marrying me or moving in with me.

And even then, my distance has been the source of relationship strain in the past, so that doesn't even seem to create that link.

I am a loner. I still love all of you, but that facet of me is never going to change and I hope you all still can be my friend.

Posted by Kurrs at 6:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Nothing makes me quite so stupid as a beautiful woman.

It was really funny, I spent hours discussing the evolutionary roots of the desire to dance with Jason before Ministry... and then Emily walked over and suddenly my brian ceased to function, my knees felt wobbly, and I got this stupid grin on my face. Jason even said to me right then "You know Chris, I have so much respect for your logic and evenheadedness, but a beautiful woman comes along and you're gone". And you know what I said?

"I know, and I love it. I wouldn't give it up for the world."

And I still mean it.

Told my mom about Erin (uh oh, I hear everyone say, he's serious about this one). She was happy for me, but when isn't your mom?

Posted by Kurrs at 10:26 PM | Permalink

The sweet smell of sweat and smoke, a stretched damp smelling thing. My shirt after the Ministry concert. Such a wonderful smell, the smell of the best concert I've ever attended.

I almost feel guilty washing it. Almost.

*in it goes*

Wow, I've got so much stuff to do I can hardly concentrate on all of it. I have a midterm for a class on tuesday that I've barely even thought about let alone done any work for (yes, this is as scary as it sounds). I've been slipping, gotta grab the reigns. Have to resist the urge to totally freak out.

Fear Factory is helping. Haven't listened to my favourite local technometal band in a while, forgot how awesome they are.

As will getting home and poking the example questions. Yes...

Posted by Kurrs at 8:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Saw my brother, he just left. Normally I would have said no to hanging out but I missed his birthday and, truth of the matter is, I miss him. We spent so much of the summer together, almost attached at the hip, it's almost weird not seeing him like, all the time. He also got to meet Erin who had to drop with some stuff. He, like everyone so far, is surprised by the hair and otherwise nonplussed. Not enough time for her and him to really form any opinions.

*sigh*

I'm so stressed about school and werewolf. There's just so much to do and I'm stuck in that terrible rut of I see the pile mounting, and the bigger it gets, the harder it is to work on it. Workload is inversely related to productivity. Yarg.

I'm also starting to feel a little whipped. I know Erin's doing something cool and interesting now, and I'm stuck here.

*sigh*

Posted by Kurrs at 3:42 PM | Permalink

Hung out with Patti, Meg, and Tristan friday night, just got home. Lindsay also hooked up with us. The dynamic felt really weird until I got to talk to Patti alone, then I stuck around because she asked me to. Tristan seems to be doing ok, he seems to be coping well with the facts that his best friend has died recently and that his long term girlfriend has been cheating on him with alarming frequency. Patti did a tarot spread for him and it was intense but it seemed to really help. That's basically the reason I stuck around: to give Patti support. I'm glad I did. But it's also way past my bedtime and this will continue to fuck with my sleep schedule.

Posted by Kurrs at 2:40 AM | Permalink

You're the prince to my ballerina
You feed other people's parking meters
You encourage the eating of ice cream
You would somersault in sand with me

You put my feet back on the ground
Did you know you brought me around
You were sweet and you were sound
See I had shrunk yet still you wore me around
And 'round and 'round

- "Somersault", Zero 7

Posted by Kurrs at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

And when he put away his desire for eating and drinking,
He did wake the furious moshing, and the violent movement
Spread throughout the crowd as like a nest of bees is
Woken to fury as when a small child, delighting in his mischief,
Strikes the golden fortress containing the sweet nectar,
Rousing the bees to raise into such a terrible fury as if they are
But one being, such was the fury of the moshing that night.

Posted by Kurrs at 12:55 AM | Permalink

So I end up seeing Emily and Karen at the Ministry concert. Afterwards, I see them together and then a fucking hilarious conversation ensues...

C - Wait, you two are here together?

K - Yeah, we're waiting for Ray.

C - Ray?

K - Yeah, Raymond, I dated him.

C - *shrugs*

K - Skinny, tall guy, deformed rib cage.

C - Uh, that describes me, honey.

E - He's the guy I ended up with instead of you.

And then I laugh, because fuck that's entertaining. I even mime stabbing followed by a twist. Emily ends up apologising but I tell her I don't care, it was really funny, and she's right: it was the only way I know him.

I went with Patti, Simon, Jason, and Annie (weird group, neh?). They got along marvelously, which made me really happy. Patti recently got her finished bondage zipper dress that Jenny made her and she looked fucking stunning. Simon seemed in a good enough mood and I was really glad to see him. Jason and I got to good talking and Annie was pleasant as always.

Oh, did I mention the concert fucking kicked ass? It was so amazing that it rots my mind, from the inside out, with furious guitar riffs and Al screaming my brains out. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Ok, does that get the intensity that I'm feeling inside conveyed well enough? Well, it was amazing. Should Ministry return for an other tour later, I'm so going again. It's even joined the list of "bands I'd pay over $50 to see". NIN and, now, Ministry. That's it. None others.

I'm hard-core craving a good Jungle rave right now, maybe even like hard house or hard techno. Dancing would be so great right now. I probably can't afford to go to Kraigasus on Saturday, but man.... do I ever want to. Erin even wants to come along, but I frankly don't think I can spare the lack of sleep and what-not. I think I'll hang with her on Sat-night, but some sleeping will occur instead of like, 6+ hours of dancing.

Oh man, do I want to go...

Did I mention Ministry was amazing?

Good, I'm done.

Posted by Kurrs at 12:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)