Bus Thoughts
I suppose it is hard to grow away from friends. Slowly but surely, seeing those things that once tied you together being stripped away. I never understood the "default friendship" that seems to exist in our society. I give you X years, you give me undying friendship. What if I don't like you or what you do? What if your actions offend me? What if I have trouble thinking of reasons that I should like you? What if I can think of more reasons I should dislike you than the opposite? But at the same time, it is hard to see these things fall away, even if they are without foundatioin. The structure, though weak and useless, was once beautiful and it is hard to see it go.
I am the recipient of contempt, but I have trouble seeing what I have done. So I run a world for an immersive theatre troupe and think the term "game" to be inappropriate. So I believe people should act consistently in their moral structure, making no distinction between the acts they pay people to do and the actions they do themselves. I think that is the full tally of my crimes.
I am so much more comfortable with moral superiority when I can understand WHY. Why are you worthy of placing me in contempt? What actions have I done that offend your sensibilities? When I denounce them, at least I can understand what I'm arguing with. I have changed my opinion many times, there is nothing sacred about it. Should evidence point towards a particular course of action, then it should be taken. Ideology is the adherence to a particular belief structure despite evidence to the contrary.
I feel unhappy.
Comments
I think the biggest rub of your personality is your intensity/extremeness. You make bold statements and choices, and then defend them voraciously until or unless soundly shown differently.
That nature can seem abrasive and attacky, even when not intended necessarily to be so.
Most people that interact with you have some clue as to your personality though, which makes me shrug as to why this "contempt" (perceived or otherwise) from people that you know decently well even exists.
Posted by: Tim | November 19, 2004 2:57 PM
Voracious is an ugly word. Let's try Fiercely.
Posted by: Tim | November 19, 2004 2:59 PM
The Chris-Blog Posting Crew Strikes Again.
I say only:
*hugs*
Posted by: Greenstorm | November 19, 2004 3:21 PM
Intensity is good, as I can well relate, but not everyone is comfortable with it, espeically when they're uncomfortable/unknowlegdeable about the subject. It can be intimadating even though it's not meant to be threating, and when people feel their being attacked they get defensive. I've gotten used to your intensity about things and understand how it works but it took a little while (and you weren't the only one this took place with). Many people don't have the confidence in themselves to be able to be confident in their answers or admit their mistakes.
Posted by: Navi | November 19, 2004 3:48 PM
I like voracious.
Posted by: Kurrs | November 20, 2004 2:34 AM
I think that people don't like being hated. They don't like hearing every day that you are repulsed by them. Hearing things like "What if I don't like you or what you do? What if your actions offend me? What if I have trouble thinking of reasons that I should like you? What if I can think of more reasons I should dislike you than the opposite?" every day can really sour a friendship.
And they don't like feeling rejected. Especially when they are gamers/geeks/computer jockeys (whatever) who spent most of their formative years feeling like everyone hated them. I think that many people feel rejected (even if that was not your intent) by your decison to take the word "game" out of the title of your troupe. As if somehow you are no longer interested in "game" it is too small for you or no longer something you are interested in- even if you said something to the contrary almost word for word. And "game" is how many people have come to know you throughout their youth, so they feel rejected. Hhmm... does that make sense?
And you are quite right, if you no longer want those friendships, then there is no reason that you should work to maintain them. I'm sorry that you are feeling unhappy, and I don't mean any of this as a critisism, I'm just trying to say how I see things.
Posted by: Antiopa | November 20, 2004 10:13 AM
I actually didn't read the whole game post, but heard about it. Sometimes I think people on the board and hell people in general, just like to argue about something because they can. What is the big deal, you wish to take game out of your description...so be it. For your definition of the word it doesn't fit the description of your troupe. There should have not been such a big kafuffle (sp?).
As to the friend thing. I don't believe in default friendship. I have lifelong friends and transient friends. People do change over time, often through the influence of their friends, family or workplace. If their personalities change so much that you can't abide them anymore, then of course the friendship must drift away. However, friendship is about caring and helping each other. If you see something that you feel is "wrong" about your friend, you could see if they are willing to change. That's of course if you value that friendship.
I feel fortunate because I have deep loving friendships with people that I can rely on to be there for me should I need them. People who will stand by me, help me and understand me.
Of course not all of my friendships are like that, some fade but its a natural fade on both sides.
Just my attempt at an explanation. May or May not be of value.
Posted by: persephone | November 20, 2004 11:40 AM