Still Chewing
The grains of sand in my hourglass are running low, but I still haven't come to a decision to either try and take 326 this term and then take 325 alongside 490 (I got the numbers wrong, honours students do 495 which is the seminar and 499 which is the thesis), or whether to take 325-326 in the summer. I realise that if I continue to debate, then eventually the decision will be made for me: I will have to have the summer semester because we would be too far into this one for me to both argue my way in and do 326.
The big thing is that I don't really want to buck the system. I don't entirely feel that I should be this grand exception, instead I'd rather make it on my worth instead of my ability to convince others of my worth. Also, the second thing is one of the few things that really stresses me out. Sick, people dying, work load is hell, all these things don't stress me too much, they just suck. But there are some things that trying to convince others of my worth, or my peers thinking poorly of my worth (very interconnected issues) that make my back turn into a bunch of knots that feel like a pile of quarters and dimes.
I have my nervousness issues, for example when I was about to run the pack session that would mean the death of half of the character-base and the destruction of the Caern I almost threw up I was so nervous when I stepped out the door. I mean, technically speaking, I think I *did* throw up (although only a really small amount, like acid reflux plus, which I don't normally count), so the point is pretty solid. But afterwards, I may feel exhausted, happy, sad, or whatever, but stress - that emotion I typically associate with lasting nervousness and uncertainty and strain - I can't say it included.
Even the madness of last term didn't get me stressed. I mean, it broke me physically, but that was more due to not sleeping and what-not. Same thing would have happened if I had run a few moots in a row. But afterwards, I was still limber as a cat.
But this whole 325-exception thing has my muscles all knotted up and tense, sometimes so badly that my back starts to spasm (oh gods that hurts). I thought I'd got past this particular problem for a while, because of being accepted into Honours and all.
Anyways, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, the point is that I'm still figuring stuff out. Hopefully I'll get a better picture in my mind as of tonight. Probably not though.