Silence
I have been silent for some time. I expect this will continue.
My personal e-mail is kurrs "at" occult "dot" ca just in case anyone hadn't figured that out.
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I have been silent for some time. I expect this will continue.
My personal e-mail is kurrs "at" occult "dot" ca just in case anyone hadn't figured that out.
So I just finished running a really intense pack session that went really well. It's certainly up there for intensity. Not the prolongued immersive effect of the Hellhole Hive attack (gods, will I ever live up to that again?) but it really had its moments. I'm a tad worried about Navi, because she was only peripherally involved by telephone, so she got the emotional intensity but not the group come down. If you're reading this hon, I'm thinking good thoughts towards ya :)
Also, I had this really deep worry/stress/fear that Erin would yell at me afterwards. Partly rational, partly irrational, she was tired and cold at the end and it meant she couldn't go home because it's kinda late. However, she came home and was all smiles once she was warm again. In fact, really excited about the session, just like me. I like being proved wrong.
And finally, to solve the "Erin needs to go do laundry before work" problem, she headed over to the other Chris' for the night. And I felt relieved and thankful for her having somewhere convinient like that. Plus, it means I'm free to get the stuff done I need to tomorrow. No funny pangs of jealousy/fear, just gratefulness.
This evening has been really awesome, I am very thankful for it.
Wow, I made it to my second rotation. Year of the Rooster. Enjoy.
I'm really tired, and I want to complain, but Yan is doing the writing for the group project. Thank the gods Yan is doing the writing for the group project.
Good night.
So I left my micro midterm wanting to just start screaming expletives. Such bullshit.
So we arrive, and we start doing the midterm. I'm feeling pretty stressed about it because I don't feel properly prepared. And it's easy. I mean really easy. A certain amount of terror is setting in, because I'm really nervous at math-only questions because a simple algebraic mistake can cost you almost everything. I know it's not exactly that way, the fear is not rational, the fear is the problem.
Well, I don't get to find out because the fire alarm goes off. No one's quite sure what to do because the TA isn't telling us to do anything. Suddenly someone suggests just continuing doing the exam and the TA half-heartedly agrees. I say that that's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard, and everyone leaves (including the TA, thankfully). So I figure we'll just do it later. That sucks, but... you know, that's life.
So now we've been out of the test for 10-20 minutes, I don't know exactly. And the TA walks up to us and says that we're going to go to Buchanan Tower and finish the midterm. I mention again how rediculous that is because we all have class at 2 (the midterm started at 1pm, it's now about 1:30). She replies by saying that the alarm went off at 1:15, and since it's only a 45min test, we'll go until 2:00pm.
So we get there, and she starts handing out people's tests. The people who get their tests first just start writing again, there isn't even a pretense of equal time. Plus, we're not even in a classroom, we're in the ECON lounge, some people are writing their test on their knees (I am not joking). My test is like, the second from the bottom. By this point my friend Garrett (his was near the top) has probably finished an entire question and I don't even have a place to sit yet.
The agony continues (me and Yan are squished on a couch that is covered in old textbooks, I don't have enough table space to fit my test on it completely, some of it is on the ground, etc, etc, I could go on) and the test finishes.
This has been the biggest joke of my entire Undergraduate experience. If this gets worth anything on my grade, I will freak.
Yaii, it's cold on campus. The sky cleared up and the temperature has dropped accordingly. I was getting too used to those spring-shudders, must remember it is still winter. Wear more clothes.
On a side note, I forgot to mention that I get to go to Bishop's on Wednesday, on top of everything else that is going on *does a little dance*
Now to head home and study study study.
I am so busy.
This week: midterm, project, research businesses for RCW, get in preliminary contact with businesses, do other misc RCW stuff, maybe fit in some Garou work.
This weekend: Chinese New Year (w00t!), me and Erin are going to the celebration on Sunday. I hear she's trying to bring tons o' people, so if anyone is interested in joining us, let me know.
Next week: network with businesses for RCW! Do Garou stuff! Catch up on reading (oh, so much reading!).
Next weekend: Gathering for the Departed pack session!
Busy!
It seems to have become a trend. A trend representative of weariness. I am so tired. Responsable Consumption Week is trucking along in its conceptual stage, we're starting to delegate and starting to fully realise the scope of what is possible and what we're choosing to do. I am so tired.
I've got a midterm next week. That's scary, I totally don't feel prepared. The material is reasonable enough, I just don't know it well enough for my tastes. Reading Break is only a week and a half away, and the amount of work I need to do before then and during that week is a little scary. Nothing much tacted down yet, but... I know there will be lots to do.
I ran into Alex today. That was nice. I really find hanging out with Alex very easy, very reasonable. Most people I find stressing in one way or another, but these chance meetings with some of the few people that don't put me on edge somehow are really nice. Meg and Alex, bastions of sanity, there's some deep irony there. I wonder who's next?
I want some free time, I want some time to do school reading, I want some time to do some MUSHing. Whine whine whine.
I may just go to bed when I get home.
Feeling kinda lonely, which is weird because I've been seeing lots of people. There have been points where I've spent days staying home alone so that I could have some alone time, not talking to anyone, and I didn't feel lonely. However, in the midth of all this social interaction, I feel lonely.
Once I heard that New York is the loneliest place in the world because, even though there is so many people, none of them really open up. Maybe that's how I feel right now, I'm seeing lots of people that I have lots and lots of barriers between me and them. I'm working quite a bit on this "Responsible Consumption Week," running around, attending meetings, networking, blah blah blah. Lots of dealing with people.
Haven't been seeing Erin that much, and I've been dealing with what she calls "relationship angst" as well, so I'm not so hot on that note. Basically boils down to seeing lots of people I'm not close to. And I'm not really getting to spent time with my close friends, although my definition of friend is pretty stringent.
Spending time with Meg was very sane making, I did it on the weekend. I'm really really glad I did that because otherwise this loneliness sort of feeling and angst would be a bit too hard to deal with I think.
Oh, I'm rambling, but that's because I'm on the bus. I just watched Ong-Bak, you can find my review here, but suffice it to say, I really enjoyed it.
Goodnight everyone, hope your world finds you well.
I just realised that I don't believe in karma. Like, not even a little. I believe in natural reprocussions to things. If someone holds me underwater for long enough, I will drown. If someone I love kisses me, it will fill my being with joy and brighten the rest of my day.
However, any concept of absolute retribution based on right and wrong I have a very firm belief against. Truly evil (by human standards, although there are no other standards that I have access too, so in practice it's absolute) people by anyone's definition (ie those who do such a broad range of evil acts as to hit everyone's moral boundaries) often have no reprocussions for their actions. Especially if they lack a moral compass, such as being sociopathic or psychopathic. People with functioning brains will suffer if they do ill to others knowingly as a natural physiological responce (because humans innately crave a sense of morality), outside of any external reprocussions. But those who lack the ability to feel right or wrong, and are incredibly careful, may go their entire lives not only not suffering any reprocussions but happily profiting from their evil until a happy end.
This belief might make some others jaded, but I can't be bothered. The world just is. The sun does not cease being beautiful if there is no god holding it in the sky. Justice does not become less important if there is no final arbiter past all human establishments. Fate is capricious, random, unkind and kind, all at the same time. The universe has a sense of humor as often as it does not. The world just is.