More Anger
So, to allow everyone out there in internetland that has decided to read my blog into my particular fury at the anonymous poster (that's right you gutless sack of shit, you post from the library, hide you fucking pathetic worm, hide).
I have been accused of being a Narsissist. Yes, I'm introspective. Yes, I'm different than most people. Does that mean that someone who is, say, quiet and has a chronic illness is a narcissist? Semms to hold.
Lack of empathy? Maybe for actions, not people. So, to be sane I must empathise with people even when they do ill? I must have empathy for killers and rapists too now? Otherwise, I am surely mad.
"none of my narcissists ever admit to being distressed by their own behavior" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sure, maybe I'm obsessive: believes that everything is causal and is your own damn fault (that includes me you stupid shit).
"An exaggerated sense of self-importance" So, struggling with self-confidence and especially self-worth all the time is somehow tied to an exaggerated sense of self-importance? In fact, the more I live I want to remove myself from others because it seems that telling people how I feel and actually being honest causes them to lash out and claim I am insane. I don't want your fucking sympathy, I want companionship. I want to know that other people know what's going on in my life and that I'm not alone. You can take your sympathy, if that's what you think this is about, and shove it up your ass.
But overinflated sense of my own self-worth? Has anyone considered that maybe my ethics are a sense of penance? Struggling for my entire life with a sense of worthlessness means I'm a fucking NARSISSIST? Oh no, wait, me telling you about it makes me a narcissist. So sane people keep their lives to themselves I see.
Entitlement? Over-inflated sense of the worth of their actions? So, I'm a liar too? Everything I write here is just exaggeration? An attempt to turn what I do into something meaningful when really I accomplish nothing? Gee, thanks. I'm glad I'm such a worthless sack of shit in your eyes.
Ok, I'm contempuous sometimes, so, what, is that two out of all the symptoms?
Fuck, this situation has made me so angry. If whoever sent that is actually reading this, do me a favour. Get over YOUR delusions of omniscience as to what's wrong with me and get the fuck out of my life. I don't really care if you're "trying to do good" because it is my belief (I am allowed to have those without you turning them into clinical mental disorders) that "trying" doesn't matter worth shit. Success or failure are all that matter. And you failed, unless you goal is to actually hurt me. Then hope I never find you.
The worst part is that it's probably someone I know, someone I once cared for. Dig the knife deep you asshole, because somehow I let you get this close.
Comments
Wow that's harsh. "Personality disorder" is not a term to throw around lightly (and even clinicians often overdiagnose them). They refer to chronic conditions that significantly impair an individual's ability to function in daily life. That someone would feel they are in the position to confer that label on you, after reading a blog entry (which let's face it, a blog is meant as a space to bitch and whine), is pretty patronizing of them.
I wanted to write some comforting words here, but I find I can't. I consider you a friend, and I've started to read your blog so I kinda feel like I've seen bits of the private Chris, but I don't know you nearly well enough to know how to console you. I wish I did. 'Cause from what I've been able to glimpse, under that angry, cynical exterior shell is a guy who's really - I don't know how else to put this - PURE. You have an almost childlike need to hold on to and believe in the greater good, despite all the shit in this world. And I find that really admirable. The way you go about it sometimes pushes people's buttons, but still...I admire the intent. :^)
So yeah, I wish I had the time and opportunity to get to know that inner Chris better. Give me a call after finals if you want.
Posted by: Icarus | April 8, 2005 11:50 PM