Light And Dark
Today I am thankful for the little wonderful pieces of life. A wonderful book my companion (Zodiac by Neil Stevenson still) while laying on the grass of a park holding the tears back. Then my loving brother and a beach with a hacky sack, a place that is just mine and his, with no one else interrupting despite their presence. A chance encounter with a beautiful girl of slim build and good conversation. Finally, an unlooked-for friend out of a stupid situation, a wonderful new perspective as well as surprising generosity.
Today I am sad for the pain I cause in others. I know I'm not ready to reconcile with the various pieces of my old life, yet the more and more I become aware of the pain I've caused them. I don't mean to, but I really can't ... do what they need me to. I might be able to eventually, and if they really needed me to right now I could, it just wouldn't be pretty. Throwing the word "egocentric" at me again and again doesn't make me stop hurting. I am all too acutely aware of the pain I've given them, but that doesn't erase mine. There, some more fuel for your belief, in case you still lurk there. Go ahead, hate me, you might even have a right to. Patience and honesty might have given you what you want.
Who am I to talk though? I hate waiting.
Currently Listening: Sweatshop Union - Truman Show
Comments
I am so glad you're reading Zodiac. Awesome, no? Do get it back to me when you're done, though.
Posted by: Greenstorm | May 26, 2005 6:50 PM