Walking Into Myself
Who is that in the reflection? What's changed? What has occured today, other than a simple visit? Like crawling spiderwebs, warm to the touch, shiver their way over me. A carapace, soft and spiny. I have no more understanding than before, arguably less. I still have no idea where most of my life currently stands. School, ethics, friends, family, my pillars. And even some of those are shaky here and there.
There's that feeling again, crawling over my back, just barely underneath my skin. Dissasociation is so hard to shake. It tends to stay at bay, I usually keep myself too busy, too in contact with too many things. Even when I'm alone, I'm connected to my projects, my breathing life into them makes me feel in touch.
Now, even with other people, I feel far away. Like something isn't right. Like I'm only there because I'm killing time. In the emptiness of finals, I lost me. Where did I go? Where's that certainty, that take life on my own terms attitude?
Something's finally gotten to you Chris, and its the same thing that always does. Every ... single ... time.
But now something's different again. This time, I don't know what it is, and this time, I'm going to keep going anyways. Maybe mystery is good, every once in a while.