Kurrs' Digital Tapestry of Words

A friend came over, saying he would only stay until 1:30pm. We went for a walk and came up with the most marvelous idea: belgian fries, organic chilli, sorbetto. Two out of three, the third was easy to acquire and the icing on the cake was juice. We walked, and talked about surrogate brothers and uncomfortable moments and boots. Sometimes all three.

An old interest showed up, one that had almost become a regret before falling back into my life with a cheerful reminder as to why I had ever considered it. Her physical presence unchanged, she had not been actually present in my life for some time, a shell being where she once had been. Then, all of a sudden, my friend was once again parading around in that body. All I could manage was I'm glad you're back and it still describes how I feel better than anything else I might put down.

Four PM rolled around, and slight guilt caused my friend to leave. I start to crash, as both my friends are leaving and the insufficient sleep and lack of cleanliness catches up with me. I'm still in the same clothes as yesterday.

It is so very strange how the tables have turned, yet not. All my sensation of need is absent, my sleep patterns don't improve or degrade around her in any noticeable way. I stay the night because I'm told it helps, because she thanks me in the morning. Her skin no longer burns and causes me to feel more alive when we touch. I reach out in a desire for affection, for validation, but certainly not need. She still smells like love.

Maybe that's why I stay. Or maybe its because I realise that things change with time, but that brings me precariously close to sounding like her. I said that I'd like to just leave it, to wait, but in many ways that may mean it is already over for me. Which is sad, because it never really began.

I've got a final to study for, and some Garou stuff to coordinate. Right now, my life is a war between my happiness and my discontent. But, in a war, no one wins, and my school life and work life, the things with real future consequences, are most surely suffering, and that is how nothing is winning.