Insecurity
Originally Uploaded here by Rosina
Rising in my throat and up through to my head to rest behind my eyes is a sense of panic. So many things that I need to get done on a short time-frame, trying to figure out how to juggle them all. The real trick is not having enough time but using that time to most efficient. Sometimes half an hour worth of walking makes for increased productivity that more than makes up for the lost time. But these things are capricious, and I'll still figuring my way about.
But this sense of panic is causing havoc on one of those areas I still don't have a very good grasp on. Insecurity. Somehow I have to trust that the you that I saw last will be the you I see next. That Re-evaluations Of Our Relationship Without Your Input won't happen. My fear of that occuring is placed alongside similarly crippling things like phobias, bordering on a sense I might call terror. I try to hold onto the kiss on the cheek, the smile accompanied by beautiful eyes over the rims of glasses. Because that is real, and the rest, fabrications.
My largest difficulty is that my fabrications have been proven right in the past. Not entirely fair, or proper. Irrational beliefs shouldn't be supported by empirical fact, it merely makes letting go of them all the more difficult.
Anyhow, I have stuff to do. KMM is tonight, see those of you there that I will.
Written On: Laptop
Currently Listening: swish swish of a laundry machine, thumk thumk of a dryer
Currently Eating: Mom's Chicken Cannelloni & Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream