Kurrs' Digital Tapestry of Words

Originally Uploaded here

What exactly am I to do I do with all of this? A lifetime of relationship mistakes; it seems to be my primary failing. You've given me great faith in the idea of reconciliation. And yet I create such a huge need for it. Perhaps it is better that I just let things go, move on as my detractors have demanded before.

I find lately I haven't been able to write about that which is bothering me. Perhaps it is that words fail, that an absence of communication is all I have. That a girl that hides behind nervous halting smiles is right. All I know is that our love is like being strangled, and perhaps that is all the only love I truly understand.

I remember being unable to sleep alone, having her presence a requirement, like air to my dreams. I try so hard to not be like that anymore, to tear that part from me every time I see it reflected in her eyes, in her words. But I'm here again, aren't I?

Perhaps that is why Erin always seemed so strange to me, so foreign. Our relationship was so frightfully... normal. Full of jealousies and insecurities but none of the gasping madness. The tearful tear that screams I need you. Even now, her happiness in love makes me sick, like eating food of so distant a culture that my palette simply cannot appreciate what must surely be good. Happiness in that regard is bitter, with all the inbuilt associations with poison that it brings.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Samuel Barber - Adagio for strings
Currently Eating: Kamut Pasta w/ Tomato Sauce and Parmesan