You Can Still Want When You Are Happy
Originally Uploaded here by Agnieszka
Call it weakness, call it attachment, call it idealisation, call it relation, call it biological imperative, no matter what term or phrase you use to name it...
I miss her.
Not the one I almost married, not the one who my family thought I should marry, not the other who I would have asked to marry me, not the one I wanted to marry me, but the one I shouldn't.
The one whom I have even the slightest right to miss.
I don't care if there is no magic. I do not care if love and affection are chemical processes in the brain, moments of insanity akin to being drunk or high, an alteration of the median state in the experience of our species. I do not crave neediness, or frequent attention, or identification of the I as we. I do not need anyone but myself.
The only person who makes you happy or sad is yourself. People with all the reason in the world to be happy are sometimes sad, and people with all the reason in the world to be sad are sometimes happy. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.
But I love her so much, and I miss her. And not a soft remembrance, but a grasping, pulling, tearing, violent way. The feeling that shakes down your body from your mind to your fingertips, the line that distinguishes love and lover, wrapping them together in firm embrace.
Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: still Beatles...
Alternative Title: You Are Allowed To Be Wrong