Kurrs' Digital Tapestry of Words

Originally Uploaded here by Đó£Pђ!ŋ

The first day of class. Well, it would be, if I were in more than one standardly defined "class". I met with my advisor today, had a serious chat about the thesis. He seemed... defensive... which I was hoping he wouldn't be. However, I could totally see the How could you complain about me being absent when you never come see me? I didn't mean it as an attack, more of a whimper of terror, truth be told.

Megali was right, I almost burst into tears talking about it. The simple reality is that I've never done anything like this before, nothing even remotely prepares you for it. I stuttered, tried to be intelligent, but couldn't help but feeling like an irresponsible and stupid child. I don't get that feeling very often, heck, I don't even remember the last time I felt that way other than around the thesis. But so much of my confidence, my belief in my own abilities and dedication, were left and often are left at the door when I walk in to talk to him. I even almost forgot my bag, and I was biting my tongue so I wouldn't cry on the way out.

It's funny, I could almost see the conflict in him, writ across his face. I don't like the literature you do and Remember, he's just a kid, don't get mad at him, he's not actually attacking you. He's just scared, you were too. He described his own Honours thesis for his Bachelor's of Arts as little more than navel gazing and an almost complete waste of time. His English isn't perfect, and at times he pauses after using words like hamstring and pedagogical, testing them out in the air to make sure he used them correctly, and still he's a better speaker than most people I've ever met. It was nice to hear those aphorisms, those parables that so infrequently mean anything to me. Those don't forget, I'm just like you only work when they come from people you respect, that you honestly look up to.

And man, those are in short supply.

Written On: Laptop
Currently Eating: Hash browns, Two Eggs, Toast, and a Hippytastic Smoothie