Kurrs' Digital Tapestry of Words

Originally Uploaded here by Maya Neuman

It looks like someone killed a fraggle in my bathtub, a splatter of pinkish fluids spelling out the last of its breaths. If you consider it more the remnants of an embalming of a fraggle corpse, you're actually far closer to the truth. This morning I ran again, it's been a few weeks, Megali being back up to snuff and all. We have an additional Bob, a real one mind you, school girl uniform and all, along for our pre-dawn running escapes. I positively adore his schoolboy emo look, the multicoloured but faded scarf oozing the right amount of indie rocker that I smile every time I see it.

I'm being irresponsible again, telling stories like Tillie does, prefacing them with my unreasonableness. It's a joke, a lark you see, for my pragmatism seems truly indomitable, the nut to my lychee, but it presses the right buttons. Sick, wrapped in a woolly light purple cloud, with all the right tones and turns of phrase to make me smile. Dangerous, I realise, but there's statutes of limitations to protect me. Timeframes of far away places to hide behind if I need to.

I did it, the thing my surrogate sister taunts me so about. I cleaned the house before she came over. It seemed a good enough time to do it, as it had been in a state of disarray for a few weeks because of the matching disarray in my life. She even noticed, commented on it, and it bothered me that it would be the exception. I don't like that it isn't the norm, but I'm busy and fragile so that's the lay of the land now. I love her so fiercely yet strangely reasonably. I cherish it, and would like to gush about how wonderful she is and that I adore how marvellously imperfect she is, but some things are better writ upon the air.

A monolith stands before me, every bit as intimidating and imposing as it is inspiring and transformative. I call it my degree. Econometrics and Thesis, two pillars that seem ungraspable and yet... a certain amount of fait accompli as well. Their duality is unsurprising, but I seem to be resting upon hunches and presentiments, which scares me a bit. Nothing to be done, lean into it, and push. There is, after all, almost only a month left.

I've had alot on my mind as of late, but not enough time to put it down...

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Zoë Keating - Fern
Currently Eating: Panda Puffs with Rice Beverage, and a Burger in the wings...

Posted by Kurrs at 10:53 AM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by | HD |

I think I fell in love with you when I realised that it was, in fact, you I was staying up to talk to. That your words kept me up at night, kept me speaking until the sun rose. Collapsing in a pile of limbs strewn about the room or groggily heading home through the morning light. I always kept up, my reasons were always viciously well constructed. You think too much. But even then, I was stubborn, I realised that I should apologise and move on, that my decisions were poor and ill-conceived. My hubris, my pride, won out in the end and I have bloody scraps to feast upon from it. I warned you that I crave and pull, that I have the slut-impulse when I'm hurt, but still you remained like art, some abstract concept of beauty. And then, like an antropomorphic emotional contraption, it all fell into place, with an almost audible thump as it became one solid idea.

...

It came out in a flurry of words, revealed through the way I spoke about you, but I think that I've falled in love with you. How many do you need Christopher? It galled me at first, having had some relatively atrocious experiences with fast moving emotional investment, but it seems unreasonable to complain that water is wet. With you, I have the desire to climb fences or walls, tasting a trickle of blood from the thorns in my mouth, and composing words of such... But I'm not a romantic, no matter how much enjoyment I get from the stuff I am ultimately a pragmatist. I am far too sharp, bladed around broken edges sharpened into a mechanism of efficiency with the design flaw of wounding the operator. You, you are fragile, and probably possessing of some notions of monogamy that would mean I would trod all over your heart like jackboots over French soil. But I'm frighteningly long term, and the future is as yet unread.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Thievery Corporation - The Richest Man In Babylon (full album)

Posted by Kurrs at 9:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Originally Uploaded here by Velvet G

Yesterday, I was happy. I walked with a clarity, a lightness, that I don't remember having any time recently. Normally I characterise my sanity in terms of grounded and not. Either I walk with the density of stars, burning my way through life, walking like I own the place or I'm deliriously unhappy, burdened by something that makes dealing with life like wandering through a thick and pervasive fog.

Yesterday, it was different. There was a sense of barely touching the ground and a brilliant clarity about everything that was wonderful. Lecture flowed, even though I can't really read the projector, the concepts didn't clunk and thump about in my brain, but were maneuvered about like puzzle pieces on a lazy summer sunday at a your grandparents' house. Wicker chairs and anachronistic drinking vessels, and the soft light of summer filtering through the windows. Relaxed, easy and effortless even while difficult.

I went to Patti's Mad Hatter Tea and brought along Organic Fair Trade Chocolate for fondue, as well as my tea kettle and some pineapple. Me and Simon talked about video games, the non-existance of absolute truth, the merits of pantheism, why I'm a comptatibalist, Gödel's incompleteness theorem (so sexy!), Arrow's impossibility theorem and why Hume and Buddha are awesome. I miss Simon.

Even things that normally would have pushed me into a total funk I dealt with not unemotionally but certainly reasonably. Heck, me and Patti even managed to heatedly debate something without wanting to kill each other. This is a wonderous development, trust me. On the way home, I ran into this really interesting guy and chatted about the privatising of Transit and the bonuses and drawbacks. He was blue collar and remarkably intelligent and well spoken. Just a working father with a brain, it was really nice, although I must admit I am in love with the idea of the blue collar philosopher so my biases must have contributed to my liking him. Nevertheless, he gave me alot to think about.

Today, I'm going to see an ophthalmologist.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Spark That Screams - We Are Them, They Are Us
Currently Eating: Bran Flakes with Raisins and Rice Beverage

Posted by Kurrs at 9:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Originally Uploaded here

I just finished practicing. Beth says it's cruel to listen to this afterwards, but I need to be reminded as to what a cello sounds like after I finished practicing.

Almost everyone I know is sick. My body has moved into the state of illness where it is trying to violently expel any alien presences through really intense coughing or sneezing. I hate running noses, it means I end up bleeding with an even larger regularity than usual. Arg. Iron deficiency being kept at bay, lots of dead bleeding things eaten lately. Plus some wicked lentil Daal soup, yum.

I must say, the last few days worked out really well. Not to say that I particularly enjoyed them (I'm been pretty ruddy sick) but they went as smoothly as could be expected. No real snags, with a few genuine surprises for the better. No complaints.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Bach, Johann Sebastian - Suite no. 4 for unaccompanied cello in E-flat Major
Currently Eating: Bran Flakes and Raisins with Rice Beverage

Posted by Kurrs at 8:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Originally Uploaded here

I'm not going to my RCW meeting today, I e-mailed the other organisers as much and I struggled not to write such stupidities as I'm not going to leaving my house.

I am really quite sick, I haven't left my house in over 24 hours. I require juice, but the outside is scary. I will brave it sometime soon methinks. That, or go back to bed.

Erin is coming over before KMM to make lentil Daal soup for me and Megali. This is nice.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Spark That Screams - You Won't Like What This Means
Currenly Eating: Chicken Broth

Posted by Kurrs at 8:26 AM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by scofo76

So, I'm officially sick again. Not entirely surprising, I've been rather emo lately and these things seem to follow in linear progression. I get sad, then I eat and sleep less, then I get sick. It doesn't help that I've been spending all my time with Megali who gave me this plague. It's pretty rough.

Me and Tim had tickets to go to Rollin' on Booty last night, and we refused not to go. Reid Speed's first Vancouver appearance couldn't be missed. Ill Esha opened for her, and was good as always (DJs who are also producers and vocalists are a big plus) but me and Tim were pretty deathly. I even slept from 6pm to 10pm so that I'd manage to make it to the party, and Tim hasn't been on his computer for over five days he's been so busy with school (not to mention sometimes he doesn't even make it home). For the first hour, we stood and sat kinda dumbly until her gorgeousness came on. She swears at her records, hits her tech when it's not doing what she wants, and complements herself when it's going well. I'm so awesome. Together the tiny DJette becomes super-hot on top of the fact that she spins sick shit. The moment her set was over, me and Tim headed. It's not that we had anything against Queensyze, it's just that's all we could handle.

Erin just arrived, we're going to do burgers. I should probably be social.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Bubba Sparxxx - Nowhere

Posted by Kurrs at 1:15 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded
here by tmak

On that note of unproductivity, I passed God of War on God Mode yesterday, meaning I have overcome everything there is possibly to overcome on that PS2 disc. The ending battles were positively rediculous (maybe without the heart-wrenching emphasis, eh Megali?), with pixelated armageddon on the screen. Tim described it as just a bunch of flashing lights because there was so much occuring on the screen. I reached some zen state where the gameplay was writ across my psyche: walking to Aphrodite's there was an Ares fight playing in my head, with L1, square, square, square, R3, R3, square square square, L1, R1, L1 etc playing along my fingertips. At one point I accomplished a 728 hit combo, which apparently is Herculean. Damn I love that game.

Written On: Home Computer

Posted by Kurrs at 9:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Originally Uploaded here by The_Steffer

I'm feeling rather fragile.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Kalinnikov - Symphony No. 1

Posted by Kurrs at 12:42 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here

Originally Uploaded here

Originally Uploaded
here by Jonathan!

Posted by Kurrs at 7:59 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by patisfaction

Behind my face is a mask of screaming, that isn't stopping. Glass shatters through me, my movements, my thoughts, and I am struck by a grim understanding as to why I did what I had done to my hand. Despite everything I've done, despite all the accomplishments I have had against the demons inside my own being, the weaknesses of others are what tears me down. Not pain, that horrible isolating thing, but instead the grasping neediness, that expression of validation through you. The fetishing of a fucking meat puppet. Place these atop the torment that lays siege to those that I love right now, words written across anxieties like misery, rejection, plague, and severance, and I say that I cannot take it. Stuck between a desire to break everything and everyone around me, balanced precariously beside a substance weakness inherented from my social context as a youth.

Despite the fact that my life is perfectly in my hands, I am not ok. Humans are creatures of community and social interaction, but I must admit I've never had it hit me quite so hard. Because of this right now, anyone but Megali touching me makes me sick. Don't ask me what's the matter if you always need me to answer. Don't relate with me if I can't occasionally need to be alone.

Written On: Home Computer

Posted by Kurrs at 12:33 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by spyzter

Written On: Home Computer

Posted by Kurrs at 11:22 PM | Permalink

• Not only did the street performers outside the Liquor Store on Saturday know Snopp Dogg's "Gin and Juice", but they knew how to play the country cover of it well, with two the two vocalists and guitar and mandolin. This made money fly out of my wallet into their pot with extreme velocity. They gathered a crowd.
• I just ran three circuits of the waterfront main port to sea bus route, and in it I did 16 flights worth of stairs, 8 laps of the parking lot, and three laps of the heliport for over an hour straight of running. The Sun Run in April is now going to be an absolute breeze, I'll probably barely break a sweat. The word marathon is now behind whispered in the back of my head, and I'm strongly considering upping my training to make that happen.

Written On: Megali's Computer
Currently Listening: Gourds - Gin and Juice

Posted by Kurrs at 11:50 AM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by kuriakonz

• I went to Bishop's on Friday for my grandmother's birthday. I had local prawns with a creamy dipping sauce and chips for an appetiser, five spice roasted duck breas with sweet potato purée, roasted parsnips, and apple emulsion with a side of mixed herbed and purple gnocchi, and vanilla rooibos crème brûlée for desert. FOODGASM! The other nice bit was that I think that all the food on my plate travelled no furter than 50 kilometers to get to my plate and was all organic. I love that man.
• I went out for Ethiopian cuisine at Addis with Erin, Graham, and Tillie on Saturday. It is very cool, no cutlery, you eat with the bread and, in the end, eat the plate. OMGz.
• Sin City this month was possibly the greatest Sin City ever. Not only that, but within ten minutes my dancing was complemented, which is the fastest ever. It did help that it came from a well-built, attractive man, with a positively intoxicating accent. Then, it happened again later in the night. Groove I was in, much awesome dancing was had.
• Cello is going well. One of the strings broke, but the humour value of the fact that the cello needs a g-string is, in many ways, worth the expense.
• I actually have direction and focus for my thesis now, this makes me giddy. I'm redoing someone else's research with a new data set, I'm officially a real academic now :P
• I know it is far away, but I am soooo excited about Shambhala this year.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: The Phat Conductor - Live at Shambhala 2005

Posted by Kurrs at 2:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Originally Uploaded here by FreeQ

The mechanism is working, trudging along. There are dips, bumps, pot-holes, and sometimes they feel like the entire machine is falling apart at the seams, but it is merely rough terrain. Another series of unfortunate events in an otherwise perfect series of days. All my muscles ached in a way unlike exhaustion and a mask of screaming lay behind my face. I felt cold and clammy and I belched black bile for longer than I've ranted in quite some time. Afterwards, I felt sick, like I could hardly move and that I wanted to vomit.

A moment, a series, an exception, nothing more. Ahead, full sail, we've weathered worse.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Tajima Tadashi - Master of Shakuhachi (full album)

Posted by Kurrs at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Originally Uploaded here

Lately I haven't had my own voice, but I'll squeeze these off:

Sequitur

Things are bad and good by equal measure, with a slow emptying of the cup of suck and a slow refilling of the cup of awesome.

Non-sequitur

Stef, Megali's best friend, is apparently in the habit of referring to my family as all the Chrises because she doesn't know our last name. So, my brother, my cousins, etc are referred to collectively as the Chrises. I hope this is as awesome/weird to you as it is to me.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Tipper - Shambalah Downtempo Set
Currently Eating: Eggs and Russet Baked Potato w/ Salt, Pepper, and Parmesan

Posted by Kurrs at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Originally Uploaded here by yancs

It seems some people have been trying to get ahold of me and have been wondering where I've been.

I have my Econometrics midterm tomorrow, this should be sufficient explanation.

I am alive and well.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Flanders And Swann - The Reluctant Cannibal humour warning
Curently Eating: Wrap with Chilli, Cheddar, Clover Sprouts, and Salsa.

Posted by Kurrs at 8:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Originally Uploaded here by dR...

Stretch, breathe, stretch, breathe in, and then dive.

Don't stop until the day is over.

Written On: Home Computer
Alternative Title: The Greatest Athletes Race Themselves

Posted by Kurrs at 11:58 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded
here by cienne45

Resources necessary for repelling of vermin, located.

Razorwire for rodents, also known as "steel wool", acquired.

Defensive measures to be installed with grey adhesive tape.

Feces cleaned from area, will attempt to contain vermin to

the ghettos, but success is uncertain.

Certainty: food source can be removed and the creatures

will move or die.

What follows is a metaseries of words with meaning:

You changed your lock. That offends me. You can have a key and I can't?

I really did love you, I suppose that it is easier if you don't understand that but it's true.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Aphex Twin - A Few Melodies From Mars
Currently Eating: Seelen with Emmental

Posted by Kurrs at 6:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On that note, I've been playing God of War again, this time on God mode (also known as very hard difficulty). The trick of it is, the game doesn't change except for one aspect: realistic damage. Hydra bites you twice? You die. Hit by big Minotaur dudes a few times? You die. Slashed up by regular mooks, you die. Suddenly, air juggling and other previously viewed as "cheap" tactics are now necessary survival skills. Suffice it to say, I'm enjoying it alot.

I'm nervous, amongst other things.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - Serenade In E-Flat Major

Posted by Kurrs at 3:19 PM | Permalink