A Little Out Of Sorts
A series of unfortunate events, a series of sleepless nights and starved days, a low dull thudding of rage or discomfort in parallel with moments of exquisite enjoyment, heartfeld affection, and the backbone of the good life. Strange that the instant I pop my head out of the sand, I notice everyone else is choking. Just weight on shoulders, is all, it wears on me, but I would have it no other way. Valentines Day passed and I was filled with fanciful notions, an abstract romantic sense, and a critique of the methods of celebration. Today has been failed attempts at physicality, a missing day, a cold romp for supper, a costumed gathering of the opposite of people, and now a decided desire to curl up under covers to protect myself from the Vancouver winter cold that prevented me from leaving and playing photographer. I managed to eat and sleep enough today, first time since Monday, and I'm going to take it as a victory. Everything stems from those two simple things.
I love you, but I'm glad I'm not with you. No matter that you made me happier than anyone else has, it seems there is a fundamental dysjunction between you and I. What ifs plague me too, but that different person I could have been with I wouldn't have loved as much, wouldn't have made me as happy. In my heart, I married you, as much as any of the rest, and no matter how crazy that is, it's still true. Like me, music means the world to you yet you make none. Because of it, countless melodies remind me of you, like your passage through my life was accompanied by a series of soundtracks, of which I bought the whole set. You walk through life like a knife, and you barely even know it.
You can bring me to tears, and you're the only one that really owns me in any particular way. That isn't quite true, but narrow the perspective to romance, and you've got it. I trust you, even enough to leave me, which is something I've not trusted anyone to do before. Sometimes I forget you exist, I pretend that you don't exist, and then you work yourself into my perception again and, just sometimes, I wonder Who are you again? I must admit I miss you terribly, but my decided lack of trust means you're the only one for me. Even if that means there isn't anyone. It's kinda lonely, but only becase of your absence.
Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: The Postal Service - Give Up (full album)
Currently Eating: Kamut Penne and Mixed Cheese Sauce with Red Pepper. Broccoli Sald with Red Pepper, Sunflower Seeds, Raisins, with a Lemon and Yoghurt dressing. Eating the excess sauce with bread...
I love you, but I'm glad I'm not with you. No matter that you made me happier than anyone else has, it seems there is a fundamental dysjunction between you and I. What ifs plague me too, but that different person I could have been with I wouldn't have loved as much, wouldn't have made me as happy. In my heart, I married you, as much as any of the rest, and no matter how crazy that is, it's still true. Like me, music means the world to you yet you make none. Because of it, countless melodies remind me of you, like your passage through my life was accompanied by a series of soundtracks, of which I bought the whole set. You walk through life like a knife, and you barely even know it.
You can bring me to tears, and you're the only one that really owns me in any particular way. That isn't quite true, but narrow the perspective to romance, and you've got it. I trust you, even enough to leave me, which is something I've not trusted anyone to do before. Sometimes I forget you exist, I pretend that you don't exist, and then you work yourself into my perception again and, just sometimes, I wonder Who are you again? I must admit I miss you terribly, but my decided lack of trust means you're the only one for me. Even if that means there isn't anyone. It's kinda lonely, but only becase of your absence.
Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: The Postal Service - Give Up (full album)
Currently Eating: Kamut Penne and Mixed Cheese Sauce with Red Pepper. Broccoli Sald with Red Pepper, Sunflower Seeds, Raisins, with a Lemon and Yoghurt dressing. Eating the excess sauce with bread...