I Feel Sick
Originally Uploaded here by patisfaction
Behind my face is a mask of screaming, that isn't stopping. Glass shatters through me, my movements, my thoughts, and I am struck by a grim understanding as to why I did what I had done to my hand. Despite everything I've done, despite all the accomplishments I have had against the demons inside my own being, the weaknesses of others are what tears me down. Not pain, that horrible isolating thing, but instead the grasping neediness, that expression of validation through you. The fetishing of a fucking meat puppet. Place these atop the torment that lays siege to those that I love right now, words written across anxieties like misery, rejection, plague, and severance, and I say that I cannot take it. Stuck between a desire to break everything and everyone around me, balanced precariously beside a substance weakness inherented from my social context as a youth.
Despite the fact that my life is perfectly in my hands, I am not ok. Humans are creatures of community and social interaction, but I must admit I've never had it hit me quite so hard. Because of this right now, anyone but Megali touching me makes me sick. Don't ask me what's the matter if you always need me to answer. Don't relate with me if I can't occasionally need to be alone.
Written On: Home Computer