Threadbare
A final straw upon my back, it broke.
I can't take this anymore.
Originally Uploaded here by elsabet
There is truth in the idea that we operate at different speeds. I suppose I am in a relatively frequent state of emotional upheaval.
I didn't know she ever used the g-word.
A terse little story, lovingly told, or told inspiring love, that so encapsulated her essence I tried not to break into tears. Within the last few days, once again the puss and ache of a reoccuring problem, a cyst, flared up to dislodge my stability. In that regard, I understand, because I ride myself pretty hard and I don't put up with systemic problems. I simply do. not. have. time. for. it. In the face of it the first time, I lost her, and in the face of it the second, I miss her.
My seams are showing. I will fix it.
Originally Uploaded here by andrebernardo
Before, my heart dropped into my stomac when I was told, the emotional fragility of the tragedy du jour was, unsuprisingly, leaving me with few defences. I tittered, and Andrea looked at me as if I was mad. I tittered some more, muttering some nonsense before I wandered out, all suit and honey, knives and silk. I kept it together, until we were about to rush off, after having waited too long. And the first thing that came to me was now, now, you have to tell her now and I almost did it, ran down the street with all the madness-induced romance and tell you. Thankfully, I'm not that crazy, and we drove off before I lost my senses again.
Sometimes, I get sad that my loves cannot be fulfilled, that I know all too well their doom before they begin. I take solace in that I know I hurt others less this way. This careful path I tread is done, hopefully, out of a sense of wisdom, or at the very least practicality. However, it still gets me down sometimes.
Not that it really matters, I suppose I do need a shirt that proclaims Emotionally Unavailable.
Written On: Mother's Computer