You Should Expect This
I've been emotionally unavailable for a while now.
Since Erin, really. After that there were the twin errors of the summer and there was so much toe-stepping between those two that they seem almost indistinguishable. Different facets of the same series of mistakes, the same statement of hubris. This is not to say they are the same, this is to say they are the same to me. I don't count them either, nothing more than a season of unhappiness, misery written upon the blood and tears it spilt. Perhaps they have the right of it, let us say it did not happen.
Five two one one. The litany of years, the count of the ones that lasted. Fit some between the cracks, call them by letters or momentary actions, they were not lasting relationships but a few singular interactions strung together. Ex-fiance, ex-partner, ex-girlfriend, ex-lover. X X X X. Former, gone, finished. Next time I get to strike the line, counting them like years in a prison.
Repeat Repeat.
I walked into a parking meter tonight. I haven't really been sleeping, I'm surprised I'm even operating. Successful and unhappy. Sometimes I feel like I should be a character in a novel, as I don't feel like I follow some basic mores of operation, and then I become bothered by the fact that the book would be badly written. My life, simply, is not that interesting in its totality. I'm feeling pretty slutty, and I'm pretty happy with where my production is at, and the business is trucking along, but more than anything, I'm upset.
C'est la vie.
Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Summers Tend Towards Heartbreak by Christopher (mix d/l)
01 - Outkast - Hey Ya!
02 - Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
03 - Jem - Falling For You
04 - Emilie Simon - Desert
05 - Bubba Sparxxx - She Tried
06 - Fredo Viola - The Sad Song
07 - The Dresden Dolls - Coin-Operated Boy
08 - Evil Nine - You Are Not Through
09 - Lauryn Hill - When It Hurts So Bad
10 - Max Avery Lichtenstein - Tarnation