Kurrs' Digital Tapestry of Words

Originally Uploaded here by ColourFool

I woke up today. I walked along with a friend. And, I realised, underneath it all, I'm still furious. When she met me, my closest friend, she called me the angriest person she had ever met. And, while it was frought with bias, there is some deep truth there that I have forgotten. I'm no Buddha, no bodhisattva. I do not seek Enlightment as much as I seek the ways of all things. Understanding more than Peace. The world is conflict, and the world informs who I am. The divisions between society and individual can get awfully fluid, and I'm far more interested in humanity than divinity. And, I want to change it, at least insofar as my own actions, if not further.

And, in some way, I forgot this. That my way is a very angry one. That, underneath, I think I hate the things you do. The decisions you make, the suffering that you cause through your weakness, to yourself and others. As a proper child of an Abrahamic tradition, I must then forgive. As a proper child of Daoism, I must then not forget. The Way does not invalidate individual ways, like the outer layers of an onion.

It is hard to think through this. By nature, anger pushes to preclude thought. But I want to understand, and, to do so, I must obeserve myself feeling. Perspective biases, but then, without perspective, there would be nothing to me.

There are specifics, but they may never come.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Korn - Self-titled (album d/l)
Alternative Title: I Cannot Be Buddhist
An Other Alternative Title: Me And The Photographer Don't Agree

Posted by Kurrs at 4:51 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by Tobias Akeblom

All I feel is slightly sick and confused. I suppose the "clarity of youth", if there is such a thing, has left me. A torrent of desire and feeling, I knew what I wanted and would have nothing less. Even when the result or the path involved far more dysfunction than anyone should choose, I still always got what I wanted. Now, a sea of ambient desire with no clarity. Yes, you are beautiful. or Yes, I wanted you once. are all I can muster. I remember having loves that burnt so brightly that they would burn out the inside of stars, and yet still my natural predisposition to many in lieu of only pulled at my strings. Now I can only slurr my drunken misunderstandings, and have you and you and you do as someone could only do when given poor direction. So, I sit alone, not even waiting, but more lost at the absence of you.

Written On: Tim's Computer

Posted by Kurrs at 10:28 AM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by Quizz...

Reconstructed, like the dozens of shards of glass into metalwork, just so I lose none of my original properties. It is not that I am not unbalanced, not that I do not want to weep at the lack of you, not that I am no longer a burning unceasing dynamo, not that I am not possessing of a mythic hubris. I just push through, persist despite. A formally consistent contradiction.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Wolfmother - Self-titled (album d/l)
Alternate Title: The Trick Is That You Are Both The Hands And The Puppet

Posted by Kurrs at 10:22 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by Ralf Stockmann

Stars is not good music for my emotional stability.

I've played more video games in the last few weeks than the last few years. It is very disconcerting. I blame my shiny new computer stuff.

A project I've been working on for over a year will finally see the light of day within the month. Like, for real this time. I've got to mention the sensitive nature of authorship of this works to those who knew I did it soon. But, more generally, I'm nervous as all fuck.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Stars - Do You Trust Your Friends? (remix album d/l)
Currently Eating: Well and Badly in even measure

Posted by Kurrs at 9:37 PM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by h.andras_xms

I've been downloading music again. It is fun.

Work is super relaxed lately. I wake up at 7am. Luxurious.

I've been playing this as of late. The Matrix ain't got nothing on it.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Wolfmother - Self-titled (album d/l)

Posted by Kurrs at 10:09 AM | Permalink

Originally Uploaded here by 3amfromkyoto

Indulgent, a title like that, and blatantly plagiarised.

I've been working alot, and, presently, am pretty darn happy. More than that, I seem to have almost crawled back to something I would describe as functional. Now, I think that my requirements for functionality are completely reasonable, but even I can realise that different standards for others and oneself is completely fallacious. I, me, complete, whole.

Blurred photos of a time long ago, you exist in my mind in abstract brush strokes still. Like some minimalist zen painting in black ink and few lines. One of my Almost-Relationships, I don't have any venom in me for the aftertaste of this one. Just a fluttering of my heart and lips at the thought of you. A pleasant memory.

I didn't mean to base my life around you. I tried not to. But I warned you, and the bittersweet taste in my mouth when I told you I was afraid of the fact that I would eventually lose you hasn't washed out yet. You remain the most beautiful and wonderful thing I have ever felt biased towards, and everytime I am reminded that I was not enough makes me want to vomit and not leave my bed for days. A lovesick fever, sweating out the way I felt for you.

Currently Listening: Marilyn Manson - Eat Me, Drink Me (album d/l)
Written On: Home Computer
Alternative Title: Repetitive

Posted by Kurrs at 6:04 PM | Permalink

POTD and DKBP have fucking destroyed me. I'm so sore I can barely move.

Awesome.

Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Korn - Throw Me Away (acoustic)

Posted by Kurrs at 8:15 PM | Permalink