I'm A Hater
Originally Uploaded here by ColourFool
I woke up today. I walked along with a friend. And, I realised, underneath it all, I'm still furious. When she met me, my closest friend, she called me the angriest person she had ever met. And, while it was frought with bias, there is some deep truth there that I have forgotten. I'm no Buddha, no bodhisattva. I do not seek Enlightment as much as I seek the ways of all things. Understanding more than Peace. The world is conflict, and the world informs who I am. The divisions between society and individual can get awfully fluid, and I'm far more interested in humanity than divinity. And, I want to change it, at least insofar as my own actions, if not further.
And, in some way, I forgot this. That my way is a very angry one. That, underneath, I think I hate the things you do. The decisions you make, the suffering that you cause through your weakness, to yourself and others. As a proper child of an Abrahamic tradition, I must then forgive. As a proper child of Daoism, I must then not forget. The Way does not invalidate individual ways, like the outer layers of an onion.
It is hard to think through this. By nature, anger pushes to preclude thought. But I want to understand, and, to do so, I must obeserve myself feeling. Perspective biases, but then, without perspective, there would be nothing to me.
There are specifics, but they may never come.
Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: Korn - Self-titled (album d/l)
Alternative Title: I Cannot Be Buddhist
An Other Alternative Title: Me And The Photographer Don't Agree