Embers In The Night
Has it really been that long?
Is that it? Is this relentless loneliness now sharing space with a returning sense of self?
I struggled, many long years, and every day and every month and every year I lost a little bit more. Cared a little bit less. About everything. The daily grind wore away at me, until I swayed in the breeze. It wasn't just loneliness, but worthlessness. So very tired, I was always so very tired.
I still struggle to do even the most basic of things. Food. Laundry. Dishes. Sleep. Cleaning. I find my current level of functionality despicable, and yet I see how much better it is than last year.
Now, a series of social tangles threaten to coil around me, join my loneliness and my dysfunction in their case to drag me down.
And I care. I react. I hate.
It mostly still sits insular inside me, flaring up but rarely for the systematic woes of our time and mostly for the wrongs done me, but it is there, nonetheless. It burns again.
It burns cold and true. Righteously.
Written On: Home Computer