Parable (Sloppy Enough Not To Even Have An Elegant Shape)
I'm up too late and gained nothing for it. Tonight feels like the hangover of my youth, a time when things sucked but I was too drunk to comprehend and now things are better but I'm still hungover and neither have things actually become good. I try and be grateful for all the little things but in moments like this when I have clawed and clawed and clawed to get to where I am I look around and see... Nothing. I don't want fun time with my friends. I don't want meaningful emotions. I want too much work punctuated by moments of escapism upon a comfortable bed of financial security. And somehow I don't even have that.
Perhaps I am wrong, but it seems I unerringly am not. I will try, step by step, to only take the steps that make me happier than they make me sad. But I feel it, an opening void, ready to swallow me whole with the next funeral my life will have to endure.
Perhaps I am wrong.
But I doubt it.
Written On: Home Computer
Currently Listening: to the buzz of a wasted evening