Hoping for an Ending
It's cold in here.
I should be sleeping. I'm tired but I can get sleep later... after I come home from school.
I don't like this feeling. It's lonely, isolated.... It makes no sense. There are so many good things happening in my life right now, more then I thought possible, and even more amazing, there are very few things contrasting with this positive swing and those things are rather insignificant.
But I still have this feeling creeping along my skin, pausing only to feed by sucking away my energy and forcing those things that compose my happiness into an insignificance that makes them useless.
I have been easy to upset and that is very strange. Small things and occurrences have been setting me off as of late, things that normally wouldn't provoke any strong emotions in me. A friend told me that he hadn't eaten in two days and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because I was on the verge of crying, and did so once I reached solitude. That has been the only time I actually broke down but it wasn't the first time I had to keep myself from crying in front of others. I don't cry often.
The loneliness that seems to cling to me seems insatiable. The need for human contact and comfort feels so insistent I think Tim's starting to get hugged out. The worst part of it is even though I receive the gesture I crave, it fills a separate category and I leave the experience still hungry. It's terrifying.
I want to cry. The feeling is present but the counter feeling that I the tears will be empty, void of purpose and feeling still lingers. So they don't come. And I feel numb.
I have a long day tomorrow and must get up in less then five hours. I think sleep is required to heal my burnt mouth and possibly this stupid funk. This is two in two months and I don't like that at all.
I just want it to end...