The Naviverse

The last two weeks have been difficult. Every notion of good news is almost immediatly countered by bad, thus bringing equilibrium, right? Right!? There is no time to breath. There are mere hours between each event and only meloncholy at the end. My lack of observation skills is partially to blame (I think I'll take a point in 'spot' when I level up). This causes me to become claustraphobic. The fight or flight reaction comes to counter the stress and I'm left with a jumble of confused emotions that both crave and reject social interaction. I'm still busy. Despite the fact that school is over, I'm still busy. I need to plan, constantly plan. But I shall do it no more. Not now. I need the ability to just go on a whim, when work doesn't prevent me from doing otherwise. Some days are planned, the leo party, sin city, the attendance to a wedding. Thoes must be. But now the leish is off and I shall take myself off auto pilot.

The last day of school was a very bad day. I woke in the morning stressed due to the handing in and editing of essays. I had an appointment and the result was not good. My focus now very put of and several phone calls later I land in Jhayne's arms and clunk down infront of her computer. Fighting my way through pain, angar and confustion seems like walking through knee high snow drifts in attempts to focus enough to begin editing. The second hand moves faster when you're ignoring it. This tension builds and I find myself panicked in front of yet another computer screen at SFU. Email finally takes away the first problem an hour after it was due. Thank the gods it was the leniant prof's batch. The rest of the essays are edited, and in the profs hands by the end of the next half hour.

I leave to arrive again and Jhaynes, a temporary haven for the broken shell I've turned into. Just my luck, the room is empty and after another phone call and a reunion with the computer, I am calmer and I can pull out a book of leisure. I sleep for the first time without guilt in a month.

Ritual brings me back to the ground and replaces a smile upon my face. Previous to that I couldn't imagine the remote possiblity of smiling honestly for a long, long time.

The night is completed with a visit with my other half and a visit with tim's couch.

An account of Apex should be the next entree. I'm just too tired to do it justice. It is not something I shall soon forget. It should be a compliation of that and the leo party. Great nights (to be) had by all.