http://www.occult.ca/ Copyright 2012 Sat, 19 May 2012 23:08:37 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 This is an RSS 2.0 file, see: http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss for more info. Beth Fuck. What is WRONG with me. I can't have a single interaction without it being SUPER awkward today. Friends don't count. AT ALL BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT PEOPLE. so there. That said, going to the symphony alone all dressed up... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2012/05/whatever_1.html Sat, 19 May 2012 23:08:37 -0800 Kurrs My brother is right, I'm not Peter Parker, I'm Bruce Banner. Elizabeth is right, I am jaded.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/05/my_brother_is_r.html Thu, 17 May 2012 15:30:26 -0800 Kurrs You are a comfortable place for me; a construction of pleasing geometry and elegant games. When I'm around you, I'm who I want to be. I will find a way to be that person all the time. Maybe I will... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/05/overexposed_at.html Tue, 01 May 2012 10:09:20 -0800 Kurrs http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/04/im_burning_out.html Wed, 25 Apr 2012 16:46:40 -0800 Kurrs I haven't even met you.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/04/heart_turned_to.html Tue, 24 Apr 2012 10:58:58 -0800 Kurrs Stress dreams and exhaustion; needing a weekend from my weekend. A fuzzy haze sits over everything and I didn't even pay for any of the beer. It seems I have gotten - become - much closer. My urban professional dreams... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/04/stress_dreams_a.html Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:31:03 -0800 Beth Crippling shyness. FUCK IT. Even when I feel like I'm playing like shit...even then, I've improved. I know this because I keep playing and am actually able to fight to still do the music justice while having a horrible, watery,... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2012/04/push_through.html Sat, 14 Apr 2012 23:15:23 -0800 Kurrs Keep chocolate sauce and whipped cream in the house. Future you will thank you.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/04/a_note_to_past.html Tue, 03 Apr 2012 14:09:03 -0800 Kurrs You fold into me. I am so weak for that.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/03/bad_decisions.html Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:51:06 -0800 Kurrs I fall in love with the stupidest girls. Wait... that came out wrong...... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/03/i_fall_in_love.html Sun, 11 Mar 2012 00:38:01 -0800 Kurrs I miss you so much. There is hole is my heart where you should be.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/03/i_miss_you_so_m.html Thu, 08 Mar 2012 09:03:55 -0800 Beth I'm really unhappy and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't like this at all. Fuck.... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2012/02/post_5.html Tue, 28 Feb 2012 23:24:08 -0800 Kurrs I find my sense of place is inertial to the point of contradicting present data. I have to actively remind myself that I am, in fact, hanging out with, on average, a much cooler (to me) selection of people lately.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/02/and_by_place_i.html Mon, 27 Feb 2012 09:46:43 -0800 Beth It's really not that difficult to enjoy one's self in a room full of friendly people. I should go out more.... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2012/02/awkward_penguin.html Thu, 23 Feb 2012 01:10:01 -0800 Kurrs I just sent an exceedingly cold message to someone that I like. I am still an exceedingly angry person. I am sad, because I don't think I feel it. You are very special, but I'm not sure you can pull... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/02/i_dont_want_to_1.html Mon, 13 Feb 2012 00:14:47 -0800 Kurrs How am I still fucking everything up?... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/02/how_am_i_still.html Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:19:43 -0800 Kurrs My type is funny looking and insanely sexy. That is all.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/my_type_is_funn.html Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:13:48 -0800 Kurrs A nervousness set in. I've never been here before. Hit a couple trees, hopped over some streams, but I made it back. Thankfully, I'm not the only person to have trekked out so far. Unthankfully, I've a league match today.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/intermingling.html Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:05:49 -0800 Kurrs It's obvious I am upset, but it just scratches at my skin when I'm asleep or when you ask. Nervously chewing at the inside of my mouth, waking tired, listless nervous replies to queries of my well being. I do... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/sublimation_of.html Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:20:04 -0800 Beth Well. Oh well. At least you're graceful about it.... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2012/01/well_oh_well_at_least.html Mon, 23 Jan 2012 23:30:14 -0800 Kurrs You saw it, even though I didn't know it showed. A nervous, conspiratorial smile. The guilt of joy. You know the one. When I don't know, when I don't think, that's how I feel. Then the shutters drop, and I... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/no_one_and_noth.html Sat, 21 Jan 2012 12:39:07 -0800 Kurrs Though not very much sleep, it would seem. I'm craving oblivion very hard right now. Soft wafting undulations, like at a club when you're almost too drunk to be aware. I want bass cannons and obliteration; warm folds of nothingness,... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/continued_seclu.html Thu, 19 Jan 2012 09:37:17 -0800 Kurrs I can't shake it. Little breakdowns punctuate my life now, but they aren't multifaceted. They aren't complex. I was guilty of projecting our past onto our future. It seemed so simple: you seemed like all the rest. An other piece... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/post_5.html Tue, 17 Jan 2012 23:05:16 -0800 Kurrs The absence of sleep scratches at the inside of my head, like some phantom vermin anxious to escape. I've kept it together surprisingly well. I've been as supportive and understanding as I can. I've been as good of a... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/veneer_unspoken.html Mon, 16 Jan 2012 14:05:13 -0800 Kurrs I feel you in my bones.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/i_feel_you_in_m.html Mon, 16 Jan 2012 09:24:38 -0800 Kurrs What a weekend.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2012/01/wow.html Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:33:07 -0800 Beth It's really startling to realize how long it has been since I pushed myself to really change something. I've been happy, and improving at things that matter to me, but at the same time I haven't made any new choices... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2012/01/whine_whinewhinewhinewhine.html Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:24:28 -0800 Kurrs Strangely, I am more together than I perhaps ever been. I am very lonely. I worry sometimes that I've run out of beautiful things to say.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/12/its_okay.html Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:48:55 -0800 Kurrs I hate the fact that I just deleted all that.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/11/post_4.html Wed, 23 Nov 2011 12:55:08 -0800 Kurrs A girl invited me out to see The Black Heart Procession. Of course it's not going anywhere, she invited me out to see The Black Heart Procession. But, really, I can't say no. Seriously. Currently Listening: Chelsea Wolfe - Mer... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/11/ha.html Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:10:35 -0800 Kurrs You understood and saw the dance I was dancing, but didn't want to. I wish I didn't care.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/11/my_heart_is_a_w.html Sat, 19 Nov 2011 10:26:50 -0800 Kurrs My heart isn't empty, it's just confused. Yeah, it hurts. But mostly I don't even know how to feel. Currently Listening: The Pack a.d. - Crazy (listen)... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/10/honestly.html Sun, 30 Oct 2011 02:25:39 -0800 Kurrs Everything about you was special. The crinkle at the edge of your eyes, your humility and dignity, the slope and strength of your magnificent body, your brattiness and humour, your style, the best sex I have literally had with anyone... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/10/i_miss_you_but.html Tue, 25 Oct 2011 10:49:12 -0800 Kurrs I'm pervasively upset. This isn't useful.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/10/im_pervasively.html Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:30:59 -0800 Beth Ugh. I have been an ass recently. Feel like crap and don't deserve sympathy. Time to stop being a baby.... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2011/10/ugh_i_have_been_an.html Mon, 17 Oct 2011 23:01:48 -0800 Beth Uploaded by law_keven oh. I am so completely unable to avoid being attracted to your viciousness. Heavens, how inappropriate.... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2011/10/non_sequitur.html Mon, 03 Oct 2011 22:48:47 -0800 Kurrs Then I just build castles in my mind, that succeed in doing little more than making me miserable. I think I need counseling. Not because I think anyone is more capable than me at sorting out my life or feelings,... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/09/i_cant_avoid_th.html Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:30:18 -0800 Kurrs I may actually have preferred starving.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/09/how_am_i_more_l.html Tue, 27 Sep 2011 10:40:07 -0800 Beth Sometimes I really dislike musicians. Working through self-repulsion today. Still making reeds, still practicing, still eating and making coffee. God I hate myself today, though. I will make more money because I find being poor depressing. I don't think there's... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2011/09/sometimes_i_really_dislike_mus.html Fri, 23 Sep 2011 14:52:18 -0800 Beth Well. That was depressing. I haven't got my thick skin back yet. I really thought I had, but no, I still care too much and hate your frantic insincerity. It isn't that I don't like people...I just don't like people... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2011/09/ugh.html Thu, 22 Sep 2011 23:40:07 -0800 Kurrs I miss you. I wish you had loved me enough. Fuck, this is an unhealthy thought process.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/09/i_miss_you_i_wi.html Thu, 22 Sep 2011 10:06:28 -0800 Kurrs I really do get to sleep with some insanely hot bitches. Things can't be that bad...... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/09/yknow.html Mon, 19 Sep 2011 21:52:24 -0800 Beth by declicjardin It's hard to convince myself, still, that when I spend a whole day practicing and making reeds I've actually accomplished something. It's strange to have the boundaries of age break down on me; pleasant, but definitely odd. I'm... http://www.occult.ca/thenewblack/2011/09/oh_you_know.html Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:08:38 -0800 Kurrs Someone has hurt me. I tried so hard for you, you fucking ingrate. A friend of mine is hurt. No, not him, him. I'm sorry that I didn't write about us. It's not that it doesn't matter. I just had... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/09/i_didnt_write_a.html Mon, 12 Sep 2011 17:55:20 -0800 Kurrs Just wrote the heaviest e-mail of my life. No, I don't want to talk about it.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/09/without_exagerr.html Sun, 11 Sep 2011 23:11:55 -0800 Kurrs Good gods I like how you call me by my middle name. I have a deep weakness for complex nomenclature, and the effortlessness with which you slip between my first and middle names is intoxicating. A delightfully familiar paradox of... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/08/i_like_our_danc.html Mon, 22 Aug 2011 14:46:39 -0800 Kurrs wistful sigh... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/08/feeling_fancifu.html Mon, 08 Aug 2011 23:01:37 -0800 Kurrs In the end, being that fearless and honest hurts when people don't respond. That's all.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/07/it_isnt_you_its.html Tue, 26 Jul 2011 14:43:24 -0800 Kurrs The evening for the most part went well, but you had that self-same distance that she always had: a distinct physical unresponsiveness. All that spark and intensity, if it was there, was simply no longer on offer. When the evening... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/07/lonely.html Tue, 26 Jul 2011 13:59:45 -0800 Kurrs I must, in some roundabout way, enjoy gutting myself. I cannot feel it, but there must be some explanation for my behaviour.... http://www.occult.ca/kurrs/2011/07/i_must_in_some.html Tue, 26 Jul 2011 00:40:51 -0800