The Edge of the Internet

Normally my work environment isn’t very intellectually engaging or socially stimulating for that matter. It’s a dust choked sweatbox affair designed by German Death Camp architects over cheap wine and sour Brie. If at some point you need to fall asleep quickly have me explain to you what it is exactly that I do. I may even take photos with Jeff’s digital camera so you can see what a horrors show it is… but today… today was something different. One of my co-workers, we’ll call him John, is a happy over weight practicing Catholic, best described as roly-poly and always ready with a smile. Naturally he irritates me to no end. I have taken it upon myself to break him of his smile.

Today’s tactic was to answer everything with a ‘God does something every time you do something’ line. He throws a tape ball at me, I tell him ‘God kills a puppy every time you throw a tape ball at me.’ It was fun and we both laughed because he would answer with puppy dog eyes and a quivering lip while saying, ‘No he doesn’t, take that back.’ At which point I say ‘God curb stomps the Apostles when you make that sad face’

Weeeee what fun.

He only got offended twice. “God masturbates every time you kick a cat.’ Made him gasp and sputter a ‘God does not masturbate, don’t be disgusting.’ To which I had to answer, ‘Every time you say that God throat fucks an Angle to death to prove you wrong.’ Before either of us could say anything else Paulette who had been eavesdropping leaned in and tossed out ‘She does not masturbate. God is a lesbian and gets all the sex she wants from the tooth fairy. When their drunk they invite the Easter bunny over.’ I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. John thumped off muttering something about heathens.

Tomorrow might actually be a fun workday.

Our shift has moved and will end at 7.30pm at which time Jeff, Derek, and I are heading off to see Sky High at the Strawberry Hill Grande Theatres in Delta. We’ll be seeing a 9-ish showing, so if you feel like joining us please do.

The photo is for Robert. It’s a Zen moment I look forward to reading about as our alter egos walk around the labyrinth.

I’m off for a smoke.