The Edge of the Internet

Here I sit at another Tim Horton’s, pen in hand, a blank page spread before me. My coffee sits cooling, waiting for the first sip. Schrödinger's Cat taunting me in the corner of my eye, will it be a good cup or a bad cup.

I’m compiling a list of things to do over the weekend, shave as always at the top of the list. Writing projects, gamming efforts. What will I do with my Battletech campaign? Do I have time to go book buying? Is there a social event I’ve missed? On and on my list goes. Zazen is the act of sitting still and letting the world simply be. Exist in the moment, the future will happen, there is nothing you can do to stop it. The past is untouchable, you can remember it, but not relive it.

I would like to go travelling, to stand up, walk out the door and go somewhere I’ve never been, or at least do something I’ve never done. I keep promising myself to walk the length of the intire seawall, a full pack of cigarettes, my zippo, a pen, notebook and time. Let myself surrender to the moment of it.

I would like to wake refresed with the warm feel of a body beside me. I would stretch and yawn, smile then wait for the other to wake. We would go to breakfast. I would let myself be vulnerable, let chinks form in my armour.

I would like to hug all my friends for as long as they want then 30 seconds more for me.

Then my coffee cup empties and my watch says its time. I pack my things away to return to work.

My friends seem happier, they have school and the belief in future plans, I have work.