Bad Title: One down, one to go
Some of you may know this, some not. I've been putting off writting a post about it becauses it one of those personal things that if not handled well could come across as weepy, angsty or worse, a cry for help.
I don't want any of those things.
My father, who i have not talked with in five years died on monday. The RCMP constable told me it was a heart attack, he'd been out walking late at night. they found his body slid down an embankment the next day. The coroner had to be involved then.
My mother found out about it on wedsday, and called me. Seems as the eldest son i had to do all the signing, and stuff. I've been on leave from work since then. The family has been running around making arrangments. The funeral home we went to was very professional, very kind, very helpful. Valley View it would seem has too many dead buried at it that connect to friends.
It's been a long week, spent too much alone with my thoughts. Wedsday was all a blur, thursday was sitting numb in front of the TV watching the intire run of Battlestar Galactic from mini series through to episode 14 of the second season thanks to Phil and the British internet. No matter how much i tried not to think about it and just watch the prety pictures, I only ended up thinking about my father.
And today? Today I had to go view the body for the police. Because he was found alone they need it done to close their investigation. My sister drove me over. I went in and there he was. He looked good, actually he looked like me at 60, or i look like him at 37 if you need to have it said that way. I went in to this little room alone and there he lay. Five years of not talking to my father and I could think of nothing to say.
I bearly whispered out I love you, then the weight of my failings to this man crushed me. The attendednt found me on my knees weeping. I couldn't stop.
I did say my good byes in the end.
My sister took me to her home for awhile, then to skytrain. I had to get out of the house and move around. I spent four hours walking around Metrotown eating and window shopping. Its only now as i write this that i realize i once spoke to someone about how i truly do beleave i will die alone. Looking at my father's still face, it was a reflection through time. I hope someone will be there to take care of my remains when i go.
Don't expect much to appear here this month.
back later