Well.
Oh well.
At least you're graceful about it.
Well.
Oh well.
At least you're graceful about it.
It's really startling to realize how long it has been since I pushed myself to really change something. I've been happy, and improving at things that matter to me, but at the same time I haven't made any new choices in quite some time.
Suddenly I'm learning to bartend, getting ready to go back to school for a pretty technical trade, and reassessing how I interact with people in general. Oh, and failing to play soccer on slippery astroturf, but I should be able to get over that with a minimum of whining (hopefully).
I've always had trouble feeling comfortable with people; either I feel they're too invasive or I'm not sure how to interact with them or I wonder if I'm annoying them....usually I just try to fade into the background and disappear when new people are around. Especially when I think I might like to get to know them. Horrors.
I try to convince myself that I'm sure that everyone does this.
But everyone SHOULDN'T do this. It's stupid and only makes you feel worse. I *do* like a good many people, and I want to make them happy to be around me, so I am TRYING to not be an antisocial troll. BUT it's bloody hard.
Vancouver is so supportive of being a troll, what with all it's bridges, people who like you to leave them alone, people who like to tell you how offensive your face is by their expression as they serve you coffee....sigh.
And I can't memorize drinks to save my life. And I can't hear out of my left ear properly still. And I'm having trouble dealing with flirting with certain people I happen to be seeing right now. And I'm pretty sure it's just idle flirting. And it's still unsettling. But it's nice, yknow, even if it's just for fun, which is odd, to me.
Maybe I should move somewhere where people do have manners. I'd probably learn from them...but they might be horribly offended by me. Ha.
God I hate playing badly. It makes everything stupid feeling. It was as though I'd never touched a ball in my life before. BAH.
Ugh. I have been an ass recently.
Feel like crap and don't deserve sympathy. Time to stop being a baby.