Thursday
Today was thick and heavy; every step was an effort and human interaction was alien at best. I accomplished a lot though, almost sticking to my preplanned schedule, and I managed to put a check beside everything on my list. Hopefully tomorrow will start a little earlier and flow a little better.
There's a pressure behind my eyes that wants to express itself, but I feel like I repeat myself too often as it is. Somehow I don't have the skill to keep each repetition interesting....or perhaps I just don't care to hide the similarities of each recapitulation. I'm never bored, and I love the minute variations and occasional surprize, but I always imagine the listeners beginning to yawn. That same dissonance, the same resolution, maybe a different key, a bit more or less ornamentation, but the same theme, always and always the same theme. All we can hope for, really, is a maturity in the developement and perhaps a deceptive cadence or a german sixth towards the end.
It's odd how addictive weakness and dependency can be; I often wonder where the line between healthy and unhealthy is, and then I realize there isn't really a line. I still sortof want there to be lines, I was so attached to the idea of at least some things having easy answers, oh well, I suppose I'll just have to be happy with terrifying simplicity.