Random Thoughts

I'm waiting for my cane to soak. I didn't start my essay tonight as I apparently left my materials for it in the music library - we will see if they are still there tomorrow. I've been thinking a lot lately, not in any sort of dramatic 'now I know exactly the meaning of life' way, but in small ways. The way a smile makes me feel, the colour of the air and the associations I have with different seasons, people, ..the list goes on. This morning on the bus there were flowers blooming in my head and I nearly cried.

I keep pushing terms and meanings and words around in my head trying to make sense of them, trying to make them mean something, and they just seem more and more meaningless. I am myself and I can only know what I know and feel, and yet I should be attentive to other's feelings, and not expect them to cater to mine, and yet I feel I am catering to their expectations and wants and how is that right? I am confused, but it comes with spring. There is no right of course, just as there is no wrong, and I simply do what makes me happy as best as I can...although some things that I think will make me happy do not...even though I really feel that they would...but I know they won't. I hate my mind sometimes!

I should make reeds. I should start thinking about the knitting concert again, I should, I should, I should. My my, we're back to the 'I shoulds' again....time for summer.