Random Thoughts

Originally uploaded
by Porter/House.

Cheese curds are perhaps the most delicious thing I have ever eaten (well at this moment they are). I'm really excited about things that I have difficulty putting into words. I'm starting to feel as though I'm on the edge of being able to be an interesting performer. I feel like I'm starting to leave the written music, I'm starting to be able to walk into a room with two highly respected musicians sitting behind a table, and actually play half decently. I feel like I'm on the edge of something wonderful, but at the same time I can clearly see exactly how much work is going to have to go into getting to the next step. I'm terrified again, which is good.

I started to shake before playing the big solo in the Rodrigo today...but I played, and was actually able to get back to the music and away from the stupid nerves. I feel odd, because I feel that these first time experiences are so wonderful, and I want to talk everyone's ear off about how wonderful it is to be at a point technically where I can finally get back to the music again, but I feel an attitude, a sort of bravado, from most musicians that the proper way to act is as though you've done everything a thousand times, and talk about tone and tuning from a distance, it's similar to the British thing of 'stiff upper lip', and although I occasionally feel that a certain reserve is attractive, I just can't understand this jaded attitude from people who are students hoping to become professionals. I mean, they can't have played everything perfectly yet, can they have?

Having attended the second guitar recital that I've ever been to in my life today, I've come to the conclusion that guitarists are even worse than your average classical musician when it comes to talking to the audience. I mean...not even one word! I don't Understand!!! I thought we were trying to get people to come to concerts? I have a feeling it's a bit of arrogance about the music standing by itself, but I'm sorry, talk to the bloody audience, they came to hear you play! Even just a llittle bit about each piece, or anything! Gah. I am so sick of the traditional recital procedure. I want dancers and lights and costume changes and... gr. I mean, I like some things, and it's difficult to break out of the mold when you're spending every second trying to learn the music itself...but, I don't know, there needs to be more emphasis on performance if we're going to call this a performance art.

Music of the moment:Largo from the Concierto heroico - Joaquin Rodrigo