Random Thoughts

I look around and I feel that people are vulnerable. Am I vulnerable? I wonder... I occasionally notice a quick rejection when I allow myself to be completely me in a first impression moment. We'd met before, but never talked, I was silly, bounced, and there was that flick of an eye. Still, somewhat saved by pink socks and new title. Lesser child, you see, introduced me to his Other Friend.

I realise that I have to grow up in a slightly different way now, and start being aware of how I affect people a little bit more. It's useless, but I'll still do it and call it pretension and arrogance and hope that it comes out as caring. To an extent, that is. I like drifting aimlessly and winding up on this or that shore, but I think I've gotten slightly......more directed, and faster moving, which causes problems, when drifting.

It isn't just an isolated infatuation; I notice now, reactions, a feeling I used to associate with discomfort and unease. Odd, personality types that I've always admired but been unable to interact with now can become friends. I spoke to people today, and yesterday, was it only yesterday? so many people and things and places have passed me by that I can't be sure of the passage of time. I am in awe of people who can remember their past by what year it was, what grade of school they were in - these things are so beyond me. I think back and remember the tin roof that I cut my foot on and walking home with my sock tied tight around it - I remember a winter of snow, the C minor prelude, log house and dreams of vampires that didn't come out of a book and walked in the day. I remember arguing about whether zebras could be tamed and Reed with his hair in barretts and flowers everywhere. Years? Hardly. Lifetimes of colour and scent and rainpuddles. My bus seat companion and I bonded over my cape fuscia, which was, and is, rather fantastic. I should carry plants around on transit more often - they make for excellent conversation peices.

Everything is a rediscovery; reinventing the wheel each time I think I've learned something new about myself or others; I left three messages on answering machines today before I realised that it's sunday, and of course offices aren't open. Still, it means that perhaps they will have listened to my message on monday by the time I call. You never know. I've rediscovered sage and I really like it, in everything. heh, similarily to when I rediscovered basil, my food will be sage-laden for a while. mmm. I need to experiment with the new pinapple sage soon, too.