Random Thoughts

Originally uploaded
by *Honest*.

I feel very odd. I spent the last two days, right up until 5:50am this morning, creating the puppet, and now he's gone. Weird.

I spent a half hour after class recording voice overs for our little documentary; odd how just concentrating on sound sucks one's conciousness inwards. I stood in the little sound room listening to Clayton repeat the lines over and over from two feet away from me and I was completely seperate from it. It was an odd, comforting thing, but at the same time certainly not desirable the vast majority of the time.

I did something I don't do today; it was odd, both because it was perfectly normal and perfectly out of character for me. I don't ask for contact info from people simply because I enjoyed a moment's conversation with them. UBC becomes a much smaller school during the summer. Trust me to strike up a conversation on the second to last class with someone who's going back to Bolivia on monday morning.

I tend to overanalyze myself to the point where it's embarrassing to read past journal entries sometimes. I wonder if the fact that I'm more comfortable interacting with girls lately has anything to do with anything, or if I'm just getting older. I suppose the answer could be yes and yes too.

I like concrete directions and solutions; I like to search for them if they're not immediately obvious. I don't like attacking things if I can't see a way to change them....yet it occurs to me that sometimes you find the way to change them through attacking them......like accepting the term minimalism, this will take some time.

I verbally attacked one of the presenters in our class today. I felt passing bad but the way she presented it sounded to me as though she was arguing that all theatre forms should become westernized in order to aid understanding. It wasn't what she was saying at all, luckily - I would have liked to read her paper, but she looked so incredibly pissed at me that I didn't venture to ask her.

I stopped a conversation before it became akward today, and so it remained awesome. I have an email address. haha.

I am going to go dancing with my superego tonight. My mom was weirded out about the Vegan pirate family pictures on flickr to the point where she waited for me to bring it up and then commented very trepidatiously that she had wondered about them. hehe. freaking out my mom is sometimes fun. I wonder how she'll take the 'by the way I'm attracted to women too' conversation. Better than my dad I'd guess, although she's always commented that she found the idea of sex between same sex couples disgusting. I have a feeling that might be partially because she finds sex in general unsettling to talk about, but there's definately a bit of revulsion there.

I try not to construct situations in my head, but it's almost second nature to me, so mostly I try not to expect them to happen - still, I imagine introducing a girl to my dad and shudder. He's offensive enough without something/someone he dissapproves of right in front of him. I laugh at myself as I realise I'm still too much of a chicken to talk to her about it - but I don't think that's just because she's a girl - I've never been the one who makes the first move, not because of some screwed up sense of place, but because I'm a fricking wimp. It's frustrating and something I should get over. Also though, I've only actually talked to her in person three times in total. I refuse to do anything online. cheesiness abounds and text is not sufficient. I also will not say anything dreadful like 'I kinda, sorta like you' or anything of that wimpish nature. I will simply tell her that I am exploding with love and would she please kiss me now. I will then watch her run away. yes. HA ha. I have had wayyy too little sleep, and gods does it remove the filter from in front of my mouth/fingers/brain.

I should stop this train before it completely crashes. Dancing soon.