Random Thoughts

It's only when I do things that I remember being physically hard and find them to be really easy that I realise how fit I'm actually getting; I love it.

Originally uploaded
by declicjardin.

I've been really enjoying walking everywhere lately, the warm night air caresses my skin and conversation flows like water. I have held the opinion for a while that noticing and acting on how one is affecting others can be a bit condescending, but I think perhaps it depends on what the action is. Assuming that a person is affected in one way just because it seems likely from subtle differences in interaction is a little risky, but depending on the situation I think it is perhaps benificial to actually ask in a straight forward manner exactly what they are experiencing. Then there is no pretense, no second guessing, and any risk can be assessed in a realistic manner. Unless they lie, in which case it's on their own head. hm.

Of course, one can also just choose to continue doing whatever one has been doing and let casualties fall where they may. It's not like others can't ask questions too. I don't like hurting people though.

There are a lot of really attractive people around me. I've been noticing more than usual. I'm completely uninterested in starting anything else serious. At all. Sex is serious to me, I hadn't really realised that until now, having thought about it for a bit. Only one person sort of lies outside that, and I'm not sure how that even works. Probably something to do with living in different countries.

I don't think I'll apply for demolition jobs, as fun as they sound at first blush - something about not wanting to die.

You can't ruin this.

Something I hadn't expected to hear. I love you so much, you know, even though I rarely say it. Something about still being afraid you'll think I'm being too dependent again. I used you more than I meant to, allowed you to carry the part of me that needed to just not think each night. I felt the beautiful closeness slip away the more time I spent with you, and frantically tried to spend more time with you in order to fix that. I felt it even as I was doing it, but somehow couldn't stop. I wanted you to need me but wouldn't have been able to stomach it if you had. There are memories of sunny days and yoghurt and cereal and cold skytrain stations that will always make me smile. Odd that there really didn't need to be anything more, and now there's not. I wonder if the inbetween was neccessary? I suppose it doesn't really matter.

obelisks and sphinxes fill my mind right now.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was travelling around on public transit with a chicken. Yes...a chicken. It was dead, plucked, and cold. I carried it in my arms and would check it's temperature at different locations to make sure it was still foodsafe. We went to the beach, a swamp, a fairly abandoned park, and walked along the road for quite some time. I remember feeling slightly disturbed at various points, and then would carefully check the chicken again to make sure it wasn't getting too hot.

Apparently Tillie controls everything I do. I ate way too much chocolate today. I actually do use moisturizer on my hands every day. Really.