Random Thoughts

The leaves are everywhere and the wind is like ice and despite the tiredness that keeps threatening to catch me, I can't remember the last time my feet really touched the ground. I'm falling, again, and this time it's different, of course, every time it's different. This time it scares me and that's unusual. It scares me because I can't see the cause of the end; I can always see the end from the beginning, and this time I can't. I can guess, but not more, and I can't taste how it will feel, though I expect it'll hurt quite a bit. Terrifying.

Did I mention I'm happy?

For all that there's still an unanswered question and I wonder if maybe it might've been better just not to say anything and let things unravel without awareness. I don't like that approach though, it makes me uncomfortable, so I can't regret speaking my mind; I resist it too much as it is through force of habit.

It's odd to re-evaluate my actions and realise how much of a horrible person I've really been. It takes time for the righteousness to wear off and the realisation to set in. I've learned a lot so far though, and perhaps lucky to have learned right off the bat how not to treat people? Though I'd hope it could be learned without actually treating them that way. I just wanted him to have a backbone and yell, or tell me to fuck off, or something. Anything, really.