Questionably linear
It's never a good idea to start with the thought you're aiming at; I learned that from the teachers who whined that my papers weren't chonological.
You have to build up to the point, state it once simply then work around it, allow your stupid fricking reader to figure it out for themselves so that when you finally reveal the full magnitude of the first statement it's expected and supported and all that crap.
I like the idea of having all the information at once. I've always wanted to write papers as though you could experience them instantaneously as a whole, or, if that wasn't possible, you should at least have read enough about the subject of the paper before reading it to jump about in it. Particularily when they were papers about books - you should be able to jump back and forth because you have experienced the book once linearly, you now have it as a whole, so look at it as whole, goddamnit!
her towers rise no more; the young of Carthage
no longer exercise at arms or build
their harbours or sure battlements for war;
the works are idle, broken off; the massive,
menacing rampart walls, even the crane,
defier of the sky, now lie neglected.
How not to be selfish in love? How not to be selfish in love without being shallow and false?
To avoid any misunderstanding, however, it should be said here that I am still far from being the type of the positively new women who take their experience as females with a relative lightness and, one could say, with an enviable superficiality, whose feelings and mental energies are directed upon all other things in life but sentimental love feelings.
Enviable superficiality. enviable. superficiality.
I suppose if this was a fairy tale I'd have been given two gifts; love and something else you might call perspective, or the beginnings therof. It's very tempting to start trying to construct the right way to go about things. You ought to have something as a model when building though...unless you're the sort of genius who can pull functional forms out of thin air. I have difficulties with perspectives. The point and two point system only work to a certain degree and then they get so ridiculously exaggerated that you simply have to laugh.
Music, film, life; the more I learn the more critical I get and the harder it is to suspend belief. I'm not always sure I like this.
I have this deep, ingrained desire to lose myself in whoever I happen to be in love with. The problem being that I lose myself, and I don't like that. But at the same time, seem to fall into it.
I didn't lose myself this time, but I wanted to towards the end. You wouldn't let me. A skill in and of itself, just somehow preventing what is essentially an internal process of mine. Interesting.
It would be quite easy to decide that I am simply incapable of having a good lasting relationship, but the easy choice isn't mine. I seem to be drawn to people who test my strength; I wonder if maybe I should try to resist that tendency...but that might be going backwards towards disgust.
I feel the edge of what it might be like to have somewhat surface relationships where you're just trying it out to see what happens...but I'm not sure I could convince myself to go into something where I wasn't already falling for the person - this might be a fault.
Cliffs. I choose cliffs to throw myself against. That was my first thought. I think it's overly dramatic and not quite accurate, but I'm still fond of the image. There are comfortable people who would let me fall into them...and the idea generally scares me, yet that's what I try to do with the people who won't let me. Gah. Maybe my extremes need to be reined in a little, though the thought still offends me. I'm not sure it's really worth it, either.
By the end of my life I'll have surrounded myself with mountains; molding my personal life after my habitat.
